The Angry Rated M Clone
by Matthais Unidostres
Summary: Now it's own series, Mewtwo the Angry Rated M Clone reviews M rated fan-fiction so Keldeo doesn't have to. Parodies elements from The Nostalgia Critic and The Angry Video Game Nerd.
1. Scyther's Story- Chapters 1 to 3

_Hi, Keldeo here. And this review is going to be a little different. You see someone suggested a fanfiction with an M rating. I don't read those, but I felt that those stories need to be reviewed too. And from what I've heard, this one is one of the tamer ones. I still didn't want to read it though, so I had someone else read and review it for me. Now don't worry, this review will be CLEAN and SAFE. Bad parts won't be shown, and expect them to be verbally torn down. So yeah, this is going to be a rare thing. Depending on the reaction, this kind of review may happen every few months, or never again. So let me know what you think. And actually this story seems pretty good from what I've heard. . . _

* * *

Mew appeared and looked around. He covered his mouth and chuckled a bit. Then he took out a guitar and started to play while singing:

**_He's gonna review Pokemon fics_**

**_He hopes these stories won't make him sick_**

Mew then quickly flew right behind Mewtwo, who was busy looking at the computer screen in front of him.

**_He'd rather have. . ._**

**_A Bouffallant. . ._**

**_Use Horn Attack in both his ears._**

Mewtwo glared at the words on the screen and began typing on the keyboard.

**_He'd rather eat. . ._**

**_A rotten Poffin. . ._**

**_That was thrown in a dirty dumpster last year._**

Mewtwo was now pounding on the keyboard, and his grip was nearly crushing the mouse.

**_He's the angriest critic ever known_**

**_He's the angry Mature themed Clone_**

**_He's the angry M/AO Clone_**

**_He's The Angry Rated M Clone_**

**The Angry Rated M Clone- Scyther's Story by Dragonfree**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

Hello. I am Mewtwo. The world's most powerful Pokemon. Someone recommended the Fanfic _Scyther's Story_ by Dragonfree. This story was rated M, and Keldeo was too small and weak to review Rated M Fanfiction. I understand. Most M rated Fanfiction can be gross, immoral, and not fit for anyone's eyes. But not all of them are _that_ bad. Some of them are M rated due to gore or death or violence. Nothing too bad. And shouldn't the bad one be reviews so it can be-

_(Mewtwo whipped out a giant silver spoon. Psychic energy formed around as a psychic storm swirled around the room.)_

SMASHED DOWN AND DESTROYED BY MY SUPERIOR PSYCHIC MIGHT!

_(Mewtwo put his spoon away and the storm calmed down)_

Well, since Keldeo is a pussy, I guess I'll have to take care of this for him. So, here's _Scyther's Story. _And also, if anything rude, offensive, or immoral comes up, I'll be sure to block it and disparage it.

* * *

**_Scyther's Story_**

_Author: Dragonfree PM_

_Tells the story of a Scyther from his birth to his eventual involvement in The Quest for the Legends. This is a Quest for the Legends spinoff, but that is not technically required reading._

* * *

Oh darn, I hate stories like this. Why do people do this? Why not put the back-story in the main story! Now after I read this story, I'm gonna have to read this _The Quest for the Legends _story in order to find out what happens next! I'm not gonna be able to have peace until I read the main story! Sure, _this_ isn't required reading, but after I've read it, I'm gonna need to read the main story, so this basically assigns you required reading!

Oh my gosh, I haven't even read the first sentence of the story and it already has incurred my wrath!

Okay, so the story begins with Chapter 1: Innocence. We see the Scyther's parents, Silver and Sharp.

* * *

**_I_**

_The young parents were clearly not very concerned with caring for their egg, as they were fast asleep when it began to make quiet clicking sounds._

* * *

Oh darn, is that why this is rated M? The parents are going to be uncaring and abusive?

* * *

_Cracks spread rapidly around the egg's surface, each one opening a way out for the blinding light within. Silver shielded her eyes with the curved blade on her arm, which was perhaps just as well because now the eggshell exploded, hurling sharp pieces in all directions and leaving a small glowing white shape sitting on the ground instead._

_Sharp brushed a shard of shell off his rounded shoulder, his face still showing only calm dutifulness as the white light of the small body on the ground faded away to reveal its true colors._

_"Welcome to the world, young Descith," the father muttered, a hint of a smile crossing his face for a second._

* * *

Wait, what?

* * *

_"He looks adorable," the mother said softly, betraying more emotion than her mate. "Come, little one. Try to get up," she added encouragingly to her newborn son._

_The small creature looked up at her with large, attentive eyes. The small Descith had a head similar to that of his parents, but much bigger in proportion to his body. He looked hesitantly at his nearly cone-shaped feet and at the useless arms, already with the precise curved shape of the adults' scythes, but the blade itself missing._

* * *

What the heck is a Descith? It's not a Pokemon name, so what the hell is it? You know what, I'm gonna search it on Google!

_(Mewtwo typed the word in the Google search box and hit enter)_

Okay, here's a result on dragonflycave, whatever that is- RUNTIME ERROR? SERVER ERROR IN '/' APPLICATION?

Okay, so from reading a page on serebiiforums, which works, I see that Descith is a made up pre-evolved form? Are you kidding me? You can't just make up a random Pokemon like that!

* * *

_But this was only one particular Scyther, and his story, though beginning like any other, was decidedly unique._

_But no one in the swarm would know until many years later._

_**II**_

* * *

Oh yes, apparently each chapter is split up into three or four parts with Roman Numerals, so there's really 21 or so chapters I guess. Probably because of the time and/or location jumps in each chapter. Well each part is short, and I guess 21 or more tiny chapters would seem weird.

So we get this weird hatchling initiation ceremony with the leader of the Scyther herd . . .

* * *

_He raised his right scythe to the soft joint on his left arm and made a clean, sharp cut across it._

_"By the blood of the Leader…" he began, feeling only a light trickle as dark Scyther blood dripped onto the hatchling's head. The Descith twitched and shrieked in surprise, raising his right arm to his eyes to observe the blotch of bluish-black liquid on it._

_"…the Father…" he continued, looking towards the Scyther standing by his left side. The father stretched his arm slowly outwards, and the Leader raised his scythe for a second cut. Sharp winced slightly as his blood trickled down on his son as well._

_"…and the Fresh Prey," the Leader finished as he looked to his right at the newborn's mother and the struggling female Nidoran she was holding in her mouth. As the little rabbit eyed him raising his scythe again, she struggled even harder and let out a piercing scream, but he silenced it with a quick cut across her throat._

_The Nidoran's body went limp. Crimson blood was sprayed onto the rock, almost covering the squirming Descith, who was already beginning to lick the liquid off his exoskeleton. The little one was already gaining a taste for blood, the Leader thought._

* * *

Is that why this is rated M? This is just T!

* * *

_Sometimes he daydreamed about the ability to cripple the young ones before they could challenge his leadership. But it was against the very most sacred section of the Code, the Moral Code. It explicitly stated the immorality of inflicting unnecessary torture on another being. And whenever he found himself in such thoughts, he became afraid._

_Occasionally, when he was feeling more rebellious, he wondered just what it was that he was afraid of. Nobody knew what was going on inside his head and nobody ever would. He could think all the immoral thoughts he wanted, and the other Scyther would never know. While the implication was that a godly being of some sort had originally created the Code, there was no such being seeing to that the Code was followed in thought as well as action. He could as well, he realized. He could as well think it._

_Sometimes, thanks to this rebellious train of thought, he became afraid that one day he would in fact be tempted to act upon it._

_But that day was not today._

* * *

My gosh, this leader's a scum bag.

So, let me be honest, this story is kinda boring. Most of these early chapters are about our Scyther, oh I'm sorry, _Descith_ growing up. It's a coming of age story. That doesn't sound too bad, but when things drag out for so long. . .ah, I should be nicer. Speaking of nice, these Scythers aren't.

* * *

_She was what the norms of her kind would call 'weak'. To love someone meant fear of death, the inevitable end to one's time knowing them, and fear of death was the number one sin. Ideally, a Scyther was without social bonds, above them, and it would indeed have been frowned upon had, say, the Leader shown personal affection towards another being. But in the end, the Scyther were social creatures, and in spite of the unfortunate implications of their moral code, most of them formed bonds of family and friendship in some form anyway._

* * *

Oh, so they pracitce love and kindness in secret? What is this? _1984?_

So one year later, in chapter 2: Friendship, our Descith wants to evolve, so he makes friends with an older one to mock duel with.

* * *

_"You want a mock duel with me?" the younger asked, puzzled. The older nodded._

_"I've never done it before," the younger Descith said hesitantly. "I don't know how to…"_

_"You don't need to know it," the older interrupted with a smile. "It's all there already."_

_And with that, he stood up, motioning for the younger one to do the same, which he did._

_It was all very sudden when he leapt menacingly at the other. He instinctively ducked and slashed away with his premature scythe._

_"See?" the older one said. "It's not too hard."_

_"It isn't," the younger agreed, astonished. He suddenly leapt at the other Descith with his blades aloft, to have them blocked by the green edge of the older one's left scythe. The older laughed and kicked him off._

_"Can I make a name for you?" he asked._

_The younger Descith looked at him in disbelief. To make a name for someone meant respect – something not too common for a one-year-old Descith to have._

_"You can," he replied in excitement. This would be his first real name. His parents only referred to him as Son._

_"I call you…" The older Descith paused. "Razor."_

_And the younger Descith grinned from ear to ear. "Can I make a name for you as well?"_

_"Of course," the older replied, his eyes twinkling with glee._

_"I call you…"_

_The newly-named Razor looked out at the rain and then at the other Descith._

_"Stormblade," he finished with conviction. "That is your name."_

_Stormblade laughed. "Thank you."_

_And then he leapt at Razor with raised scythes._

* * *

So we got a name for our main character, Razor. And is the M rating just because of the constant references to blood?

* * *

_"Why do you think it rains?" he had begun this topic, staring out at the falling raindrops._

_"I know," the younger Descith had said. "The clouds are Pokémon high up in the sky who turn gray when they die and then their blood…"_

* * *

You freakin' barbarians. . .does the author believe that Scythers are this barbaric and violent? I honestly don't want to believe the Scyther species is this messed up.

So, one year later, Stormblade beats up a black Descith. . .wow. . .anyway, he wins and ends up evolving.

So in Chapter 3: First Prey, Stormblade has to go to school I guess.

* * *

_**VIII**_

_Yet another year passed._

_After a Descith evolved, he had to spend until the spring after his evolution learning the Code by attending special lessons with the Leader and all the other newly-evolved Scyther who had never killed. Stormblade was no exception._

_The Leader was all the more fond of this ritual – if one could call a series of lessons a ritual – than of the acceptance ritual. This time he was not accepting potential threats into the swarm. On the contrary, he was taking all the potential threats and reducing them to obedient non-threats with months of beating laws into their heads, and he enjoyed it immensely._

_"The Code," he had warned on the first lesson of that year, "is sacred. Nothing, nothing is more important than the Code. Choosing between anything and the Code, you should not hesitate before choosing the latter. Should you ever break it, you will be banished from Scyther society forever, your blood will be tainted and you will be forever worthless. If you break it, the only thing that will save your honor is immediate suicide - the ultimate realization of the wrong that you have done, and showing that you do not, after all, fear your own death. But if you fail to do that –" he had here glared over the group at this point to emphasize it, "you are disgusting failures, and your eventual death – because yes, you will all die at one point, whether you accept it or not and whether you face it fearless or not – will be forever the end of you. No one will speak of you or remember you again, except perhaps in a negative context. This life you have is your only chance to make a name for yourselves, and the only purpose in it is to be immortal in the memory of generations to come. This is something you do not want to fail at, but if you did want it – the quickest way would be breaking the Code."_

* * *

_(Mewtwo's mouth is hanging open slightly in shock.)_

This is worse than _1984. . .__  
_

This is like. . .Communist China or something! And I'm hating this Leader guy more and more every second! He's like Hitler fused with GLaDOS!

So, the black Descith, known as Shadowdart, attacks Razor for some reason, and makes him evolve.

* * *

_Shadowdart growled and dealt Razor a slash to the middle cleft as well._

_Caught by surprise, Razor fell back into the grass. He couldn't breathe. This was the Descith's weak spot where any nasty cut would deal horrible pain. Evolution would expand the upper body to the sides at this rift, simultaneously strengthening the armor in it. Before evolution, however, the Descith were very vulnerable at that particular spot._

_But as Razor lay there, the hormones of fighting tension flowing through his body pushed him over the edge that they had been attempting to reach for so long._

_Shadowdart watched with incredulity as a white glow enveloped Razor._

_"No!" he exclaimed, realizing that what he had meant as revenge had actually turned into a great favor._

_But Razor was indeed evolving, and he felt exhilarated as his vision faded into pure white. His brain pumped out endorphins while his exoskeleton bulged out like an inflating balloon, which Razor had admittedly never seen or heard of in his life._

_Shadowdart punched his scythes into the ground as Razor's growth came to a halt, the white light faded off his body and where a Descith had stood a moment before there was now a full-grown Scyther in his place._

_"Wow!" Razor said in astonishment, slightly surprised by his deepened voice. "Thanks, Shadowdart."_

_But Shadowdart turned his back to him and walked away._

_Razor sighed and sat down in the grass, hanging his head._

_But only for a few minutes – he had a swarm and a Leader to tell about his evolution._

* * *

So Stormblade comes in with a dead Pidgey and one of the most clever jokes ever made in a Fanfic:

* * *

_"It was harder than I thought," Stormblade admitted quietly to his newly-evolved friend, sitting under the very same tree as two years before when they had first discussed whether the clouds were really bleeding, although that particular fact had not yet crossed their minds. "I… I felt… I caught this Pikachu but… oh, it doesn't matter," he finished hopelessly._

* * *

_(Mewtwo cracked a shadow of a smile)_

Catch a Pikachu? Hm-hm. . .I think the author was listening to "Team Rocket's Rocking" while typing this.

So it turns out that when a Scyther evolves, they have to kill something, bring it back, and share with the Furor, oh, sorry, the _Leader_ and whatever friends you want. So, Razor and Shadowdart get a taste of Pidgey.

Yeah, nice ceremony, time for another psychotic Leader moment!

* * *

_"So," the Leader finally said as the last of the Scyther seemed to have settled down, "you're becoming adults. With your evolution, you entered your adolescence. Right now you are in a very difficult stage of your lives, because you are physically capable of so many things that you weren't before. You can duel. You can fly. You can mate. I understand that all of these things sound very exciting to you – mating especially so…" He stopped, silencing the nervous giggling that had ensued with a sharp glare. "But, unfortunately for you, that won't happen for another year or so."_

_The Leader looked nastily over the group. "You may feel like adults, but you're not. You still have very many things to learn, and those things are what you will be learning here. Do not miss these lessons, unless you plan to postpone all your 'fun' to two years from now."_

_He paused for some dramatic effect and looked over the group again. "Now, I hope that you are not such pathetic little worms that you don't know what the Code is. You've all heard of it, right? You know what it is. However, I will still clarify it, because if one of you has forgotten, I think it would be best for my sanity never to find out."_

* * *

**Adolf Hitler**:_ "Everything you do is an epic fail! So stand at attention, and Sieg freakin' Heil!"_

And I would _love_ to dump this psychotic Scyther into a Rancor Pit!

So after another crazy speech about death, we get a scene where Shadowdart tackles Razor. . .and evolves because of it.

Okay, after that, Razor has to find his first prey. So with a totally random stranger, Razor catches a human child- _what the-?_

* * *

_"No…" the boy panted weakly. "Gr-Growlithe, I choose…"_

_And he reached for a Pokéball with his hand, but Razor noticed it in time. He had no time to do anything but the first thing he could think of – which was, predictably, to slash in the direction of the human's arm. Razor closed his eyes as he did it._

_The boy screamed again, louder than before if anything. Razor opened his eyes. He had slashed roughly across the boy's forearm below his wrist. He had not quite chopped it off, but through the oozing blood he could see that it was close. Of course, it looked rather ordinary to him. It just made him feel hungry._

_A just over fist-sized ball rolled out of the boy's limp hand and stopped by the roadside before it popped open on its own accord, releasing an orange, furry puppy. He yelped at the sight of his trainer lying in a pool of blood, first backing away but then growling nervously at Razor, unsure if it would do any good to unleash a Fire attack when it would most likely hit his trainer as well._

_Finally the puppy went with jumping onto his trainer's chest to defend him, sinking his small fangs into Razor's arm, but the Scyther simply flung the Growlithe to the ground where he, with another yelp, fell unconscious._

* * *

Oh come on! It had a type advantage! What, he just hit his head on the ground? That's gotta be the weakest Growlithe ever! He didn't put up and fight! And what's worse, that Growlithe will live with the knowledge that he let his trainer die! My gosh, this story is dark!

* * *

_"No… please, n-no…" the boy's broken voice sobbed between irregular breaths. Razor looked at his face. The strange human features, smudged with tears and blood, were distorted into an expression of pure terror._

_"P-please let me go…"_

_The horrified human opened his wide, tearful eyes and looked into Razor's cold, empty ones._

_"Please…" he whispered._

_Razor felt his stomach coiling into a knot. The boy's terror almost made him feel bad about killing him._

* * *

You know it would be cool if this became a story about mercy and Razor let the kid go-

* * *

_Almost._

* * *

Crud.

* * *

_He raised his scythe as the boy closed his eyes again with uncontrollable sobs. Razor looked at the boy one more time with a twinge of guilt before making the final sharp cut across his quivering throat._

* * *

Alright, this is disgusting. Pokemon don't eat humans! But this is Fan-fiction, so okay, I guess that's fine. But I'm still mad though! I better go back to Mount Quena to relax for a bit.

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	2. Comedy Skit 1

**_EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!_**

**_Mewtwo!_**

**_vs._**

**_Scyther Leader!_**

**_BEGIN!_**

**Scyther Leader:**

I AM THE LEADER!

Of the entire Scyther swarm!

Look at me the wrong way,

And I will show you some harm!

You are Mewtwo,

A supposedly clone of Mew.

Yeah, and I suppose that humans can talk to you too!

You have power in Psychic,

I am a force insuperable!

One day I'll abolish the Morals,

And young ones will be crippled

And look at you,

Are you even a real Pokemon?

Why are you still alive?

Can't you see I want you gone?!

**Mewtwo:**

You can't rhyme against the world's most powerful Pokemon, so why bother?

You're race is so messed up, I'll bet you killed your mother and father!

You're a psycho dictator,

An insult to the Creator,

Your swarm will overthrow you, sooner or later,

I'm your hater!

Let me tell you what you really are,

You encourage suicide?

You might be even worse than Hitler.

I'm a mighty Anti-Hero, you're Big Brother gone wrong.

And just to let you know, I'm not letting you kill yourself at the end of this song.

**Scyther Leader:**

You're pathetic, Mewtwo!

You're blood's forever tainted!

You walked away from your fight!

That one you had on New Island!

It'll be you, not me, who will commit suicide!

The Code says your only fate will be to die!

* * *

"That's it! I can't stand you anymore!" Mewtwo shouted, and he threw both a Shadow Ball and an Aura Sphere directly at the Scyther.

_BOOOOM!_

**_WHO WON?_**

**_YOU DECIDE!_**

**_EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!_**


	3. Scyther's Story- Chapters 4 to 5

**_He's The Angry Rated M Clone_**

**The Angry Rated M Clone- Scyther's Story by Dragonfree**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

So, we skip _another _year later. . .seriously, Celebi stays in time periods longer than this!

So it's Shadowdart's turn to hunt something.

* * *

_Shadowdart never responded well to taunts of that sort. He looked even more nervous for a second, but then replied with surprising confidence, "I'm going to match you. First creature I'll find, I'm going to kill. Well, actually," he added snidely, "I'm going to top you, because that creature is going to be edible."_

_Razor shrugged. It was true; his human the previous year hadn't tasted very good at all, although the swarm had seemed somewhat impressed by the size, and the Leader had actually looked proud when the witnesses testified that the human had been the first thing he had attacked._

* * *

I don't know weather to be disgusted or laugh out loud at that statement. "The human didn't taste very good," was that supposed to be funny? I don't think so.

Well, coming of age stories usually have a love interest. I detest that. Luckily there hasn't been one so far.

* * *

_"Hello there, ladies," Razor said, trying to sound attractive. Stormblade giggled behind him._

* * *

Darn it.

* * *

_"So who are you? Newly-evolved freshman?" asked Razor's target. "Sorry, but we're off-bounds."_

_"I had my First Prey a year ago," Razor said defensively. "I was the one with the human," he added for the opportunity to gloat a little._

_A look of familiarity crossed the female's face. "Ooh, that was you?" she asked with a giggle. "Most ridiculous First Prey the swarm has ever seen, wasn't it, Sickle?"_

_The other female, the one she had addressed as Sickle, nodded with a smug grin._

_"It was the biggest in a long while," Razor countered, a little sore that Sickle hadn't made any attempt to stand up for him._

_"Ha! Size doesn't matter!" the mysterious female answered with an emphasizing swing of her scythe. "It's strength that matters. Humans are some of the most pathetic creatures around, you know."_

* * *

If it weren't for Magikarps and Feebass that would have been a true statement.

* * *

_"What did you catch, anyway, since you're so wonderful?" he asked instead, beginning to feel more competitive._

_"Stantler," she replied calmly._

_His eyes widened. "A… a Stantler?" he asked, dumbfounded._

_"Yeah, a Stantler," she said with a short glance at him. "What about it? It was just a calf, but a Stantler all the same."_

_"Oh," Razor just said. Stantler were often hunted by Scyther, but very rarely as First Prey. He didn't know exactly how small a calf it was that she had caught, but it couldn't have been particularly much smaller than his human._

_"Aww, the poor guy is devastated that he's not as special anymore," the female mocked, addressing Sickle. "Well, surprise for you. You're not special. You're a typical, pathetic, shallow, idiotic male."_

_The insults bounced off him._

_"Can I give you a name?" slipped suddenly out of him before he could stop himself. The female now looked at him, raising an eyebrow at the bizarre suggestion – arguments were generally not the time Scyther decided to give one another names – before folding her arms._

_"Go ahead."_

_"I call you…"_

_He had a name in mind already; no, he didn't have it in mind – it was just the first word that crossed his mind when he looked at her and seemed only more appropriate now._

_Beautiful, but dangerous, frightening; terrible but fascinating. Negative – which was always a dangerous thing when giving someone a name – but so very fitting he couldn't resist._

_"…Nightmare."_

_She showed no particular reaction to the name in her expression – it was still the same one of disdain, mild amusement, superiority. Perhaps only because she found that it was still appropriate._

_"Well, then I'll have to give you a name as well, won't I?" she said calmly but with poison dripping off every word. She thought for only a fraction of a second before proceeding in a low, malicious hiss:_

_"Scizor."_

* * *

Wait, he already has a name! It's Razor, right? How can he have two names? How do names even work in this world?

Well, apparently this scene is sooooo tense it has to be broken up with a Shadowdart moment.

* * *

_Shadowdart sighed, glancing at the witnesses lurking in the bushes behind him. He crept silently along the forest floor, searching for another opportunity._

_And that was when he eyed the small, plain, white mammal wandering confusedly around a short distance ahead._

_Immediately, he crouched down so it wouldn't see him. Leta weren't the largest prey around, but they were difficult to catch thanks to the powerful Letaligon always watching over their young, and to boot, their meat was excellent. He kind of wanted his mouth to water at the sight of it, but it didn't. Looking at it alive didn't make him hungry at all; it just made him squirm uncomfortably._

* * *

Leta? Letaligon? What are they?

_(Mewtwo quickly searches for them on Google)_

Let's see, my first result is_ Fake Pokémon | The Cave of- _FAKE POKEMON? Why is the author making up fake Pokemon? Why can't he use real ones? What, are you too good to use actual Pokemon so you have to make up your own?

* * *

_"Prepare to die," Shadowdart hissed, drawing his blade and positioning it by the little Pokémon's throat._

_It stayed there._

_He looked at her and couldn't help empathizing with her. He saw himself in her place with a bigger, stronger Scyther (in his mind it was Razor, although that was to him not the point) holding him helplessly down, preparing to slit his throat._

_He cringed._

_He couldn't do it._

_You're a Scyther, he thought desperately to himself. You're a predator! Get a grip already and just kill the stupid thing like your species has always done!_

_Poor little thing…_

_Shadowdart closed his eyes. The Leta's scream was still piercing through his eardrums. He would just have to move his scythe a little bit… just a tiny little bit…_

_He opened his eyes hopelessly. With the edge of his left scythe that he was using to hold her down, he felt the Leta's heart beating rapidly._

_Do it._

_He tried again, but his scythe just wouldn't move, no matter what he told it. He felt increasingly awful with every passing moment. The witnesses were probably snickering behind him._

_Just do it already, damn it!_

_But he couldn't._

* * *

You have got to be kidding me! So Razor can kill a human being, who they're not supposed to kill, but this pussy can't kill a prey Pokemon they're supposed to hunt? Give me a break!

So, we go back to Razor/Scizor and Nightmare, and it seems Scizor isn't a very nice name.

* * *

_**XVI**_

_Only a Scyther could grasp the extent to which she had just insulted him._

_"Take that back," Razor growled as Stormblade hissed menacingly. Even Sickle seemed shocked, but Nightmare stood her ground with a nasty glare at Razor._

_"Why? You're very much like one, as far as I can see," she said mockingly. "You call those scythes? And you have just this pathetic Scizorlike clumsiness. All you need is the red coloration…" She smiled, clearly enjoying this enormously. "Oh, but it looks like you're growing kind of red in the face already, aren't you? I'm witnessing an evolution! I feel so greatly honoured!"_

_"You… you…" Razor began, nonetheless at a loss of words to express his fury. "We'll see who's clumsy and pathetic!" he finally shouted. "I challenge you to a true duel, right here and now!"_

_The last word had barely left his lips when he realized what a dumb move that had been. A true duel ended in death, and given that her elegant movements, quick reactions and beautiful way of handling her scythes had been what had made her stand out to him in the first place, he had very little hope of winning._

_But he couldn't take back a challenge._

* * *

You know, I've actually grown attached to our protagonist. Yes, I want that Jezebel dead. And seeing as we're not at the end of the story, and this is apparently a back story for this character who appears in another story, he's not gonna die. So we can assume Razor's gonna rip this girl to shreds.

* * *

_Within seconds he was lying helplessly on the ground, unable to move, with her scythe tightly by his throat._

_And he knew that this was it, that she would now kill him. It struck him again what a stupid idea it had been to challenge her, because it would either mean his own death, or having to kill the most beautiful, accurate and fast Scyther with the sharpest scythes in the world…_

_But what a perfect way to die, by the scythe of such a goddess._

_He smiled and closed his eyes, waiting for death to sweep him away._

* * *

Wait, what?

* * *

_**XIX**_

_But death never came._

_Razor opened his eyes after a few seconds. She was still there, exactly where she had been before, her scythe still only an inch from killing him, but she didn't move it._

_He looked into her eyes, not sure what the meaning of this was. It came to mind that it had to be some sort of a joke._

_She looked back._

_Her expression changed to one of bitter pity._

_And slowly, right before his astonished eyes, she removed her scythe from his throat and stood up._

_She looked at him with an inscrutable expression, then turned her head, closed her eyes and walked away. Her friend Sickle, after looking oddly at both of them, followed._

_Razor stood up in astonishment._

_Stormblade came over to him with a puzzled expression. "Why – why did she spare you?"_

_Razor shook his head, looking after her. "I don't know…"_

* * *

Oh come, on! And in case you're wondering, the battle wasn't even that good!

So, Razor's life is now worthless according to te code, which means his fate is in the Leader's hands.

Joseph Stalin:_ I'd leave your neck in a noose, in a trench, and shot! Your whole family? Shot! All your wizard friends? Shot! Anyone who sold you pierogi? Shot!_

So after nine tries, Shadowdart comes back with a apparently worthless Rattata. I'm not s Scyther, but according to this fic, Rattata's suck.

* * *

_"Shadowdart, how many tries did it take you?"_

_At first Shadowdart didn't answer, but finally he opened his mouth._

_"Nine," he whispered._

_Razor chuckled. Stormblade looked at him in surprise; he hadn't made a single sound for hours._

_The chuckling became hysterical, ironic, joyless laughter._

_"Nine (CENSORED) tries?" he finally chortled in the middle of it. "God, that is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. It takes you nine tries to kill some tiny (CENSORED) rodent? Go away. Cut up some grass field. Get the (CENSORED) out of the tattered remains of my life before I snap and cut off your head."_

* * *

Three swears? Is that why this is rated M? The author could have just left those out.

Anyway, since Razor lost the duel and is still alive, that means he's a worthless piece of garbage and decides to. . . go insane?

* * *

_And he turned towards the tree, curled up in the fetal position and continued laughing hysterically._

_Shadowdart looked at him for a second._

_"Fine," he whispered, stood up and walked away. Stormblade looked doubtfully between the two, but then walked after Shadowdart._

_He glanced back at Razor. He was still chuckling uncontrollably._

_Or perhaps crying._

* * *

And so, the Leader makes his decision regarding Razor.

* * *

_"So now," the Leader said, a little louder, "he is – I hope – going to correct this stupid mistake before he reduces himself to anything more pathetic than he is already, hm?"_

_He looked at Razor with disdain. Razor looked expressionlessly back at him._

_"I guess so," he replied emptily._

_Razor hesitantly raised his scythe. He stared at it for a second, then looked up to expose his neck and jerked it up to his throat._

_"Well?" the Leader said impatiently. "Do I need to help you?"_

_"Oh, shut up," Razor mouthed inaudibly. The words caused his throat to quiver just enough to touch the sharp blade very, very lightly, not enough to cut through the skin._

_It was a horrible, creepy feeling._

_Razor took a few deep breaths. The Leader considered assisting him with public suicide 'help'. It seemed just too ironic._

_He closed his eyes with another deep breath. His scythe didn't want to move._

_And a certain female crossed his mind…_

_"No," he said and slowly lowered his scythe. "No," he repeated and shook his head._

_To the astonished looks of the Leader and the swarm, he turned towards the forest and dashed off towards nowhere in particular._

_Incidentally, it was the same direction as Nightmare had dashed off in a couple of hours earlier._

* * *

_I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies!  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives!  
On holiday!_

So, Razor decides to get the heck out of Oceania, but he's followed.

* * *

"_Wait, Razor!" he heard a familiar voice shout behind him._

_He stopped and turned sharply around. Stormblade was flying after him at great speed in order to catch up; Shadowdart was following doubtfully, but apparently he hadn't known where Stormblade was off to when he decided to follow him, because as soon as he saw Razor, he turned back._

_"Shadowdart, I'm sorry!" Razor shouted. "I didn't mean that! I was just feeling like crap, okay?"_

_But Shadowdart either didn't hear him or pretended not to; he walked slowly back towards the swarm._

_"Razor," Stormblade panted. "What… where are you going now?"_

_"After her," Razor said, his voice shaking but this time with exhilaration. "I can smell her pheromones. I've picked up her trail. I'm going to follow her."_

_Stormblade looked blankly at him. "Why?"_

_Razor's eyes were shining as he looked back at his friend. "Because damn, she's the fastest, most amazing Scyther with the sharpest scythes in the world, and I can't live without her."_

_Stormblade blinked. Then he chuckled._

_"Ooh, Razor is in love."_

_"Yes," Razor replied excitedly. "Yes, I am."_

* * *

What? She insulted you, tried to kill you, and forced you into leaving the swarm. . .

Wait, that last one was a good thing! That Leader is SICK!

* * *

_Stormblade looked sadly at his friend._

_"Well, you can't exactly return to the swarm from now, can you?"_

_"I don't give a damn about the swarm!" Razor shouted, grinning widely._

* * *

Everyone applaud!

_(Mewtwo clapped and there was the sound of many others joining)_

So in Chapter 5: Rob, Razor finds her. Wow, that was fast.

* * *

_He was about to walk up to her – his plan didn't go a lot further than that at the moment – when he faintly heard the sound of approaching footsteps on grass._

_He quickly hid behind his tree, peeking past the side of the trunk to see._

_It was a tall human boy with dark red, bushy hair and large eyes. He was walking casually towards the forest, completely oblivious to the fact that there were two Scyther just ahead of him._

_Razor hid himself better._

* * *

Or, you could wake Nightmare up, you know. . .

* * *

_The boy approached the approximate spot where Nightmare was still sleeping. Razor knew he should do something, attack the kid or wake her up, but somehow he was frozen in the same spot, unable to bring himself to do anything but watch. After all, what would she do if she now found out he had been following her? Perhaps she would just kill him…_

_The boy suddenly noticed the Scyther lying under the tree just by his side. He jumped, visibly afraid before he realized that she was asleep._

_Razor watched him relax and look at her for a moment before picking a Pokéball from his belt._

_"No…" Razor whispered. He wanted to jump out and kill the human before he could do what he was planning, but he was frozen in terror._

* * *

You already killed one human, so I'm sure you could just scare this one away. . .

* * *

_The human threw the ball carefully at the sleeping Scyther and then stepped away in case she broke out._

_Nightmare's form dissolved into translucent red light that was zapped into the ball within a second. The ball closed and began to wobble._

_Break out of it! Break out of it! Razor thought desperately. You can break out of it and kill him!_

_He was wrong._

_The ball stilled, the red glow on the button in the middle of it fading away, and a little ping indicated a successful capture._

_No!_

* * *

You could always jump out and grab the ball. . .

* * *

_The boy picked up the ball. "Whahey, I caught a Scyther!" he exclaimed happily, attaching the Pokéball to his belt. He paused only momentarily before sprinting back towards where he had come from._

_Razor followed him while dread built up in his mind._

* * *

YOU IDIOT! Why didn't you just jump in and save her! What kind of coward are you? Even _Luigi_ can save Princess Peach!

So after we get a lecture on how Scythers despise evolving into Scizors with all their being, Razor follows the kid to a Pokemon Center.

* * *

_He knew he should just kill the human before it was too late, but he was terrified that the human would notice him and catch him as well. He knew he was wrong to be afraid, but he was._

* * *

You're also an idiot. All you had to do was yell, "Wake up Nightmare!" How hard is that?

* * *

_He followed the trainer as he entered a small, secluded Pokémon Center a short distance away, and found himself a large window on the side that he could look in through._

* * *

You could always just walk right in. . .

* * *

_He saw the boy enter and walk straight to the machine in the corner. Razor felt his blood pumping violently through his veins. The human was really going to do it._

* * *

The doors are automatic, you know. . .

* * *

_It crossed his mind for a second that the reason he was standing there watching but not doing anything about it was subconscious mind punishing him for breaking the Code by torture._

* * *

Just walk right in, grab the ball, run away. . .

* * *

_He watched the human place his bag on the floor and take out a shiny metallic coat – his stomach churned at the sight of this horrible item he had heard spoken of in horror stories as a Descith – before letting it touch Nightmare's Pokéball. The Metal Coat was sucked into the ball as well._

* * *

GET IN THERE YOU PUNK!

Oh my gosh, this guy is brain dead! It's not like you've got anything to loose, you broke your precious Code, the Leader disowned you, if you're gonna go out, at least die attempting to save your girlfriend, you son of a Ditto!

* * *

_"Oh, please, no!" Razor whispered desperately by the window as the boy placed the ball under a tube on one side of the machine he was standing by, and another ball under a tube on the other side._

_The boy pressed a button._

_The two balls were sucked into the tubes. The deed was being done. When the balls came out again, she would be a filthy, slow, pincered Scizor, and nothing could reverse the process._

_It was this thought that finally gave him the power to do something. With a roar of blind hate and fury, Razor drove himself headfirst through the window and landed on the floor of the Pokémon Center in a shower of glass shards._

* * *

Now you decide to do something! Oh my gosh, now I hate this character! I hope he evolves too!

* * *

_Panic arose immediately. The humans screamed at the sudden invasion as Razor slashed blindly at nothing in particular; a boy reached for a Pokéball but grabbed thin air as his Pokémon were being healed in the back room of the Pokémon Center. The Scyther flew across the floor towards the trainer by the trading machine, hardly even thinking about what he was doing. The claw on his foot accidentally struck a little kid on the way; he hardly noticed. He randomly slashed at the arm of a boy who was running away, but missed._

_He was about to reach the cornered trainer by the machine when he eyed the screen. The silhouette of a Scizor was just disappearing off the screen on the right side, and the two Pokéballs dropped back into their original places through the tubes._

_She had evolved._

_All his power was suddenly drained away. Razor crumbled down to the floor in despair._

* * *

So a guy with a gun, that's right, there are guns in this story, ends up shooting him.

**The End!**

No, no, no, that's not the end.

* * *

_Razor's eyes jerked wide open and he turned his head towards the mysterious light source. It was a small candle on a dirty wooden table. Through the dim light he could just see the walls: he was trapped in a small room._

_An adult human with a black beard and small, shining blue eyes was sitting on a chair by the table and watching him without saying a word._

_Razor squeaked in surprise, rising immediately to his feet. His first reaction was to press his back against the wall, trying to stay as far away from the human as possible. He felt too weak to attack._

_The human's eyes moved along with him, but otherwise he was completely still and quiet._

_Razor looked frantically around for a possible escape route, but lack of experience with buildings did not make the door he was pressing up against stand out as a way out. Anyway, although he did not know that, the door was locked, although he would probably have been able to slash it apart._

_But he did not think of attempting to slash it apart. He was too scared and confused, and too busy keeping an eye on what the human would do._

_Finally the man spoke, still sitting still in his chair._

_"Hello, Scyther."_

_"What is this place?" Razor asked. He was not sure if he was expecting an answer; the wise Scyther did not agree on whether humans could understand Pokémon language. The Leader had said he doubted it, but one of the most respected Scyther in the swarm, one who had been around more than any other member of the swarm, insisted that he had seen humans talk to their Pokémon._

_Apparently he had been right and the Leader wrong, because the human gave a calm, unsurprised answer:_

_"This is a back room in the unofficial Gym of Alumine, run by me. You are here because I caught you a couple of days ago to be able to treat your wounds and nurse you back to health. I think I've succeeded."_

* * *

_(Mewtwo blinked)_

Are the man and Scyther. . .talking?

* * *

_"Release me!" Razor shouted fearfully. "Let me go!"_

_"I'm afraid I caught you fair and square," the human said simply. "And I'm afraid I caught you in a special Pokéball of my own creation that prevents you from ever getting too far away from it…"_

* * *

They _are _talking? Did the author do any research at all? Does he know anything about how the Pokemon world works! WATCH! THE! SHOW!

And wait, he invented a special Pokeball? So apparently he's a genius? Is he a Gary Stu? Oh come on, just when I was enjoying this story.

So. . .the mysterious Pokemon whisperer introduces Razor to his Pokemon Team.

* * *

_"Kabutops," said the human, indicating the creature with the scythes. "Sandslash, Sneasel, Feraligatr, Fangcat. Guys, this is Scyther. He finally completes the team."_

* * *

Fangcat's another fake, isn't it?

So, it turns out the trainer's a pretty nice guy.

* * *

_"Who is that human?" Razor finally asked._

_"Rob?" Kabutops said, seemingly slightly surprised by the question. "He's … our trainer?"_

_Razor closed his eyes and laughed hollowly. "Why do you submit to him? Why do you let him enslave you? Why aren't you breaking that window and running off? Did he catch you in these strange Pokéballs that keep you from going too far away, too?"_

_Kabutops looked positively puzzled at the suggestion. "Why would I want to leave? Rob is my best friend. There is nothing for me out there."_

_As much as he'd have liked to protest, some little voice in Razor's head couldn't help pointing out that there was nothing for him out there either._

_Razor sighed. "But to be under a human's absolute control, being forced to fight your own kind for him? What sort of life is that?"_

_"We're not under his absolute control!" Kabutops replied incredulously. "What can he do to force us to do anything we don't want to? We're the ones with scythes and claws and fangs."_

_Razor looked blankly at him. This was a very strange concept indeed. He still could not imagine why a Pokémon would willingly do anything that a human told him – especially because it was directly against the teachings of the Code. He reminded himself that other Pokémon species didn't have the Code, but the thought just seemed too absurd._

_"Then why do you fight for him?" he finally asked._

_"We enjoy it," Kabutops simply said. "It's fun! And myself, I like Rob's company. Trust me, you'll like him when you get to know him! We all thought like you at first."_

_"Rubbish," Razor replied darkly. "I'll sooner die than submit to a human's control."_

* * *

You know, Razor is starting to remind me of myself before I met Ash. . .

Anyway, after failing to commit suicide because he's more of a pussy than Keldeo.

* * *

_Bitterly, he curled up by the wall and cried._

* * *

Actually he's more of a pussy than a Buneary!

* * *

_"Scyther," said the human's voice finally._

_Razor didn't move or respond._

_He heard the human walk all the way up to him, to being uncomfortably close. It struck him that now his Pokémon weren't there to protect him anymore and he could take him by surprise and kill him – but somehow, mysteriously, he didn't want to. He didn't want to do anything except lie there completely still and be miserable._

_The human laid a hand on his shoulder._

_Razor twitched, but found a strange comfort in it. For some reason it brought back hazy memories of his mother being affectionate towards him after he had gotten scared from climbing a tree as a Descith._

_He didn't feel as alone anymore._

_"I know you hate me," said the man slowly. "Kabutops told me you don't like humans and have been lying here all day refusing to talk or move…"_

_Razor still didn't answer._

_The human sighed. "Please eat something. I don't want you to starve."_

_He could smell the faint scent of fresh meat. It made him realize just how hungry he was: he hadn't eaten anything at all for days. He felt like he was somehow making a point by lying there absolutely still without reacting to anything, and in a way he wanted to keep doing it, but his growling stomach convinced him otherwise. Reluctantly, he sat up and turned to face the man. He was holding a slab of raw meat of some sort._

_"It's very difficult to find Pokémon meat for sale, I'm sorry," the human said. "And Pokémon usually find the taste of animal meat strange for the first few times – but I hope it's not too bad."_

_Razor smelled it better. It did smell unfamiliar – but the closest thing he had smelled was the human he had caught for First Prey. He grimaced. The human had been awful, after all._

_"Please at least try it."_

_His hunger overcame everything else. Razor bit into it, tore a strip of meat off it and swallowed._

_It wasn't as bad as the human. Not the best thing he had ever tasted, but quite edible._

_He finished it, one bit at a time. The human stayed there in patient silence while he finished._

_Rob, Kabutops had called him…_

_"How did you like it?"_

_"It wasn't too bad, I suppose," Razor muttered._

_Rob smiled faintly. "Well, I'm glad."_

_Razor curled up and faced the wall again._

_"You didn't like being in that Pokéball, did you?" Rob asked quietly._

_Razor shook his head._

_"It's okay. I won't put you in there again if you don't want it. You can stay here tonight. Try to get some sleep."_

_Razor was very tired, but hazily surprised by what this human was turning out to be like. He couldn't help thinking he was actually fairly nice._

_"Good night, Scyther."_

_"Good night, Rob," Razor mumbled back._

_Had he turned around, he would have seen the human smile as he exited the room._

* * *

I'm guessing this is to cement the fact that Bob is a saint and Razor is an idiot for being so cold. But none of this would've happened if Razor had just woken up Nightmare!

So a month passes and Razor is making progress with Dr. Doolittle.

* * *

_"It's Friday, guys… get in your balls…"_

_Razor always felt a little unnerved on Fridays. Rob would leave him alone in the battle arena with only Fangcat for company, and she would sit in the corner, often glaring at him continuously for the hours that they were away. Sure, she never did anything – but he always felt a little uncomfortable alone around Fangcat for some reason. She creeped him out._

_"Scyther… would you like to join us?"_

_Razor looked up. Rob had asked him every Friday if he wanted to come with them, but he had always automatically said no. Now he wasn't sure. Perhaps it would be interesting to see what it was they were doing, anyway – and how could it hurt?_

_He stood up. "Okay."_

_Rob smiled and took out Razor's Pokéball. It was different from the others, he noticed; the upper half of it was bright purple and had a small white M in the middle. But by the time he had finished thinking that, he was already dissolving into immaterial form._

_When he came out of the ball again, they were in a strange place._

_The room was, at a glance, full of people. At a second glance, it was full of people and their drinking glasses. Rob and his Pokémon were standing by a long counter, behind which a bald man stood and wiped a glass with a cloth._

_Although Razor did not know that, they were in a bar._

* * *

. . . . .

. . . . .

. . . . .

What?

* * *

_"Rob…" the bartender sighed, leaning closer to Rob. "Do you really have to bring your Pokémon here every time? I'm dead serious, I'm losing customers for it. They're not approaching the counter with a Scyther standing there, and honestly, I can't blame 'em."_

_"They're harmless," Rob replied sternly. "If people choose to make judgements because Scyther happens to have blades on his arms, it's their problem, not mine."_

_The bartender sighed again. "I'll put up with it, Rob, but only because you guys are regulars."_

_Rob ignored the comment. "Beers for all of us, please."_

_He waved some bills in the bartender's face, which the bald man reluctantly accepted._

_"Honestly, though…" he muttered. "Last time Kabutops nearly caused a serious accident. You better be taking care of that. Pokémon are way too quick to get seriously drunk."_

_"One beer is fine!" Rob insisted. "He was well into his second."_

_"Only one per Pokémon from now on, then," the bartender said firmly. Rob just shrugged._

* * *

. . . . .

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!

Why would you give Pokemon alcohol! That filthy, intoxicating, liver destroying, brain cell killing, senses impairing, _human_ elixir! This is wrong, and it would clearly be immoral in cannon! I am absolutely disgusted! And I don't care if the author is offended by my rant! _I'm_ offended by this; and in my mind, this is morally and ethically wrong!

You know what, I think I need another break! I'll finish this review next time!

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	4. Comedy Skit 2

Mewtwo floated back to where he had left the unconscious Scyther leader. Mewtwo shook his head, and took out a yellow, spiky crystal. It was a Max Revive. Mewtwo raised his hand, and brought it down hard, slamming it against the Scyther's chest. There was a flash, and the leader's eyes snapped open.

_**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**_

_**Scyther Leader!**_

_**vs.**_

_**Mewtwo!**_

_**BEGIN!**_

**Mewtwo:**

_This Legend loathes you, Scizor! So stand up and rhyme!_

_I only woke you up so I could clip your wings a second time!_

_Body of a mantis, face of a dinosaur!_

_Time for the fall of a parallel to Pinsir!_

_I strike back hard against a tyrant!_

_Beat you easier than a Heatmor eats up Durants!_

_Why not ask the Chosen One who on Earth I am,_

_I spit Psywaves so focused, I'll break your Concentration Camp!_

_I am the Genetic Pokemon, you loon!_

_So come up an kiss-_

* * *

Scyther looked around in confusion. Suddenly Mew teleported in.

"Uh, kiss what?" Mew asked.

* * *

_My giant spoon!_

_I'm going to enjoy watching you die!_

_Especially cause it **won't **be from suicide!_

**Scyther Leader:**

_You look stressed, Mewtwo!_

_You appear to be in pain!_

_You need a massage, here,_

_Let my scythes rub your brain!_

_I mean, you? The world's strongest Pokemon? Disgraceful!_

_I'll slash your neck tube and your brain'll cease being operational!_

_You kill one annoying human and give in to the guilt._

_You play the pathetic emo atoner part right to the hilt._

_And a **giant** **spoon**?_

_**You're** the real loon!_

_What kind of weapon is that? Is this a children's cartoon?_

_You think you're powerful, hiding in your Psychic shield!_

_That just proves you're a coward, you're always in yield!_

_This isn't a fair duel! It's a big disgrace!_

_All must follow the Code of the great Scyther race!_

_What's wrong, Shadow!_

_Can't take anymore!_

_Not surprising coming from Giovanni's whore!_

* * *

"Yes! I said it! How does that make you feel, you worthless Code breaking bag of filthy blood?!" Scyther said as Mewtwo turned away from him. Scyther then stopped to look around, "Wait, what happened to the music? And. . .why are you laughing!?"

As Mewtwo chuckled darkly, Mew flew in and tossed Scyther a Metal Coat. He caught it in his scythes and looked at it. "Why are you giving me this?" he asked.

Mew chuckled and said, "Because you're standing on Mewtwo's modified Pokeball-less Trading Machine."

Scyther looked down just in time to see the electronic covered metal disk he was standing on suck him in with a flash of red energy.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Thiscan'tbeI'maScyther-!"

_**WHO WON?**_

_**YOU DECIDE!**_

_**EPIC *achoo* RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!**_


	5. Scyther's Story- Chapters 5 to 7

**_He's The Angry Rated M Clone_**

**The Angry Rated M Clone- Scyther's Story by Dragonfree**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

Okay, so it turns out that not only does Razor not drink any beer, but the beer doesn't even affect the other Pokemon other than make them talk more. So basically, this scene goes nowhere and is completely POINTLESS!

So we get a Gym battle, yeah, Rob's a Gym Leader apparently, but of what Gym? The author never explains where the Gym is or what badge it gives out, so we're more clueless than Razor, who attempts suicide by the way.

* * *

_He sat back against the wall and tried to relax. He looked up at the ceiling. He moved his right scythe blindly up to where it almost touched his throat._

_He breathed a few times._

_"You deserve it," he whispered bitterly to himself. "You're despicable. You're pathetic."_

_He tried to detach himself from it and imagine it was someone else he needed to kill. He took some more calming breaths._

_"You're afraid," he chuckled. "You fear death."_

* * *

Oh gosh, it's like the Leader brainwashed him.

* * *

_He closed his eyes and concentrated on the first law, eliminating everything else from his mind. "Death… is not… to be feared…" he said through his teeth, but his scythe still refused to move._

_He forced it to anyway. Just a tiny bit closer. A tiny little bit._

_He felt a slight prickle on his neck which caused a cold shiver to spread through his exoskeleton. It had touched. He had almost succeeded. He felt himself grinning._

_He most likely would have accomplished his task at last had he not been interrupted by the slamming of the outside door._

_Rob was back already._

_"Scyther?" he heard the muffled voice from the entrance hall. He opened his eyes and looked quickly at the door before pressing himself against the wall and screwing his eyes shut again._

_Do it._

_But the knowledge of Rob's arrival had paralyzed his scythe absolutely again._

_He heard Rob knock carefully from the entrance hall. In despair, he opened his eyes and stared at the door._

_Do it now. Now!_

_His scythe betrayed him again. It wouldn't budge._

_The door opened with a low creak._

_"Scyther?"_

_Razor sighed, closed his eyes and lowered his arm from his throat. He could see Rob's worried expression in his mind's eye as he heard the man's quick footsteps. He felt Rob's hand on his neck, heard the human's breathing calm down a little._

_He had failed again._

_He felt himself be dematerialized and sucked into a Pokéball, then rematerialized inside the familiar back room._

_"Have a drink," Rob sighed. Razor was surprised. This was not what he had been expecting at all._

_Rob was pouring the same kind of golden liquid that they had been drinking at the bar into a bowl on the table. After half-filling it, he poured the rest into a glass, pushed the bowl towards Razor and took a large sip from the glass himself._

_"Drink it," Rob said, seeing Razor look suspiciously at the drink as he had done the first time he had been faced with it. "It will do you good."_

* * *

So the beer apparently. . .calms him down, and Rob gives him a motivational speech.

* * *

_"Life is a pain sometimes," Rob went on. "For every dream that comes true, ten are shattered. For every happy hour comes a nightmare. When you struggle a long way to a goal only to see it escape from your grip and all your work dissolve into nothing, you really start wondering if it's all worth it…"_

_"It isn't," Razor replied shortly and lapped up some more of the drink. It was getting quite good now._

_Rob smiled. "No," he agreed. "But do you know what has kept me alive for all these years?"_

_Razor looked at him. He found it odd to imagine Rob with similar thoughts to him, but somehow it made perfect sense at the same time._

_Momentarily forgetting about the drink, he became curious._

_Rob chuckled. "Who really gives a darn if it's worth it?" he said. "As much of a pain as it can be, it's the only thing you have. When you're dead, you're stuck – you don't want to watch all the opportunities you could have taken unfold into what could have been your future, knowing you can never turn back, grab the opportunities, live that future. At least die knowing you did everything in your power to die happy, even if the happiness never comes."_

_Rob suddenly looked straight into Razor's eyes. "What I'm trying to tell you is that if you die now, you know you'll die unhappy. But if there is the slightest chance that your dreams could come true, that your life could get better – then you're better off taking your chances."_

_Razor didn't answer. He wasn't entirely sure there was a chance everything could improve. But what use would it be dying now while so utterly miserable? Did his life perhaps have a slightest chance of getting better?_

_Perhaps._

* * *

You know, if this were animated, it wouldn't be in color. It wouldn't even be in black and white. It would be in shades of brown. Cause the themes are so depressing. Even the motivational speech kinda sucks. Rob's like, "Don't kill yourself! At least die trying to make yourself happy! You'll be dead anyway, but at least die trying! You're life will have still been worthless, but at least you _tried_ to do something with it!" _1984 _ had better Hope Spots than this.

And so, both Razor and Rob exchange their life stories.

Turns out Rob's Gym is in Ouen, and that he invented his modified Master Ball so that he could capture Mew. Yeah, Rob wanted to capture Mew to keep him safe from humans. But it turns out Mew got captured by some guy named Rick. And that's pretty much his entire back-story

And with that, Rob and Razor become best friends.

But you know what's missing? AN EXPLANATION AS TO HOW ROB CAN TALK TO POKEMON? Not even _N_ was this fluent in Pokemon speech!

So now we move onto Chapter 6: Obsession

* * *

_**XXXVI**_

_It was an ordinary afternoon, and Rob and Razor were together on a short shopping trip to Cleanwater City._

_During the course of the three years since Razor had been caught, he had gotten to know Rob and his other Pokémon better than he had ever known his Scyther friends, drunk a hell of a lot of beer, and, albeit unknowingly, swiped a world record as the Pokémon most frequently kicked out of a bar for being drunk and swinging his scythes around too carelessly for comfort._

* * *

Well isn't that nice! Now he's regressed into a filthy human without a care in the world.

* * *

_Rob suddenly jerked his head upwards._

_Razor instinctively looked up as well, and saw something that filled him simultaneously with joy and dread._

_"Did you see that?" Rob whispered._

_Razor nodded. He had, clearly and vividly. It was definitely no hallucination – but how could it be?_

_"And did you see the boy?"_

_Razor nodded again, because indeed he had, and he was still looking at him: it was a young, dark-haired kid standing on a balcony in the building above them, which was incidentally the Cleanwater City hotel. The boy leant forward for a second, but then turned back inside._

_Razor looked back at Rob. The man's gaze flickered strangely._

_"And did you hear what he said?"_

_As Rob put up a strange, twisted smile that Razor had never seen before, the Scyther nodded yet again._

_'Well, I know where you'll be,' the boy had called to Mew just before it teleported away._

_**XXXVII**_

_Rob resorted to an emergency meeting in a quiet alley nearby. After sending out all his Pokémon, he needed only say three words:_

_"Mew is here."_

_His Pokémon all looked at him, immediately understanding the gravity of the situation._

_"But how?" asked Kabutops in puzzlement._

_"Where?" asked Sandslash._

_Rob chuckled insanely. "We were walking right here below the hotel – and then a boy standing on a balcony at the fourth floor releases Mew from a Pokéball like any common Pokémon! And they speak… the boy asks if they'll meet again, Mew presumably replies telepathically… and the boy says he knows where Mew will be."_

_His gaze darted from one Pokémon to another. "He knows Mew's whereabouts… We must find him and persuade him to tell me…"_

_Scyther sighed. "I thought you had gotten over Mew," he muttered, but it wasn't entirely truthful. It had been more of a distant hope, already contradicted many times._

_Rob looked sharply at him. "Do you think, if you saw your Nightmare standing in front of you, back as a Scyther, that you would simply walk away?" he whispered._

_Razor wondered._

_He wouldn't._

_But he sighed anyway, because he had a bad feeling about this. He didn't really know why._

* * *

So Mew is out and about, meaning Rob can catch him. He just has to get the un-named kid to tell him where he will be.

* * *

_"If I get him," Rob said in a low voice, "you're going to have to threaten him. Make it clear to him that you're going to kill him if he doesn't tell me everything he knows. Okay?"_

* * *

Well, it looks like Rob's a villain now.

* * *

_Rob locked the outside door with a quick movement, opened the door into the battle arena and shoved the stunned boy through it, where he fell down flat on his face._

_"WHERE IS IT?" Rob bellowed insanely without explanation. The boy raised himself up and rolled over onto his back, crawling backwards in terror as blood leaked out of his nostril. "I… what? Where is what?"_

_"You know what!" Rob shouted. "The place! My life! My dedication! Mew!"_

_The boy looked profoundly puzzled. "Mew?"_

_"Yes, Mew!" Rob snarled. "I've spent my entire life searching for it, and you know where it is! I saw you in Cleanwater City!"_

_Realization crossed over the boy's face and then turned into panic. "You misunderstood! I don't know…"_

_"Liar!" Rob roared. "Tell me where it is!"_

_"I'm telling you I don't know!" the boy shouted. "Where are my Pokémon?"_

_Rob put up a twisted smile. "Sounds like you need some convincing," he said. "I have a friend who is very good at that…"_

_The boy stared at him in horror and began to quickly attempt to stand up as Rob took out a Pokéball. "Scyther, according to plan!" Rob hissed as he threw the ball and Razor began to materialize in the air. With a Scyther's quick reflexes, he immediately leapt straight at the boy, knocking him into the wall before quickly adjusting his grip on him so that he couldn't move. He positioned his right scythe quickly and precisely in front of the boy's throat._

_"Want to tell me now?" Rob asked coldly._

_"I… I don't know!" the boy blurted out desperately, all the color more or less drained from his face._

_"Yes, you do!" Rob barked. "I'll give you five minutes to think about it. When I get back here you make your decision."_

_And Rob strode towards the door to his back room, leaving Razor alone with the boy._

* * *

Yeah, villain. Complete psychopathic villain. Captain Ahab has nothing on this guy.

* * *

_Although Rob didn't, Razor couldn't help thinking the boy was telling the truth when he said he didn't know it._

_He felt the boy's drumming heart and rapid breathing. The kid was scared out of his life._

_"Scared?" Razor asked him._

_The boy didn't answer. It was a rhetorical question, anyway._

_"You shouldn't be," Razor went on. "'Death is not to be feared, for it is the only thing that we all have in common…'"_

_He saw the boy's puzzled look and smiled slightly._

_"Scyther have said that since the beginning of time," he explained. "It's pointless to be afraid of what is inevitable; it's actually the one thing you should not be afraid of. Fear the uncertain, not the definite."_

_He could tell the boy found this more disturbing than comforting, but there wasn't a lot else he could do._

_"So…" the boy said shakily, "if he told you to… you'd do it?"_

_Razor chuckled. "It's not about me, kid. If I didn't, he could just ask Kabutops, and that's worse for you because he doesn't sharpen his scythes as much. More pain, you know."_

_The boy's face was white as paper. He swallowed; Razor saw the human's vulnerable throat nearly touch his scythe._

_And suddenly, it slipped out of him in a bitter, spiteful tone:_

_"It's him that won't do it."_

_The boy's wide, scared eyes looked at him. "Who?"_

_"Rob," Razor said. He knew he was betraying his trainer's trust, but he wasn't sure he minded so much anymore. "It's all empty," he went on. "Psychological torture, if you will."_

_The boy looked blankly at him; Razor chuckled. What the hell, he thought._

_"I'll be honest with you, kid," he said. "The thing is that he's damn obsessed. For as long as he remains convinced that you know something about Mew that he doesn't, he wouldn't kill you if he were paid for it. Heck, he'd murder to keep you alive, just for that faint chance he'll manage to drag it out of you. Trust me, you're one of the safest people on Earth right now. The smartest thing you can do if you're worried about death is keep your mouth shut – as soon as you tell him what he wants, your presence becomes unnecessary, and not only that, but very inconvenient."_

* * *

Wait a minute, now the boy can talk to Pokemon? What's going on? Why can everyone talk to Pokemon all of a sudden, it makes no sense!

So, as expected, Razor decides not to harm the kid or his Pokemon. But surely the 3 years of friendship between him and Rob and the bonds they've shared-

* * *

_"This is too much. Stop it, Rob. He doesn't know anything."_

_Rob stared at him in astonishment, but Razor stood his ground._

_"If you touch his Pokémon, I'll have no choice but to fight you," he said shakily as Rob fiddled with the Pokéballs. "I'm sorry, Rob, but this is wrong. I can't take part in it anymore."_

_Rob looked at him with unprecedented coldness. "Traitor," he then growled and took out one of his own Pokéballs. "Kabutops, kill him!"_

* * *

You filthy bastard.

* * *

_The words came like searing pain as Kabutops materialized on the floor, looking at his trainer with a puzzled expression._

_Razor slowly positioned himself to fight for his life. "What happened to the Rob I knew?" he asked quietly._

_Rob never replied to that._

_"Kabutops, attack him with Ancientpower!" he barked._

_"I… I'm not going to kill him…" Kabutops said unsurely. "He's my friend…"_

_"Are you with me or with him?" Rob asked, narrowing his eyes as Kabutops looked at Razor in confusion._

_But he never had to answer that question, because all of a sudden a loud clattering echoed through the room as the grid covering the nonfunctional air vent in the top corner of the room dropped to the floor. A metallic cry filled the room as a large steel vulture materialized in the air and the blue-haired girl that they had seen with the boy earlier crawled out of the pipe, jumping onto the Pokémon's back._

_"May!" the boy blurted out in relief._

* * *

Wait, MAY?! So, is the boy Max? Where's Ash and Brock? Is this after they split up? Does this take place in the Anime?

So May's Pokemon fight Rob's Pokemon, but then Fangcat kills Razor.

Really, Fangcat kills Razor.

A MADE UP Pokemon kills our main character. . .

. . .

But then what happens in Chapter 7? It's called Second Chance. . .but the author wouldn't bring Scyther back to life. That's would be so-

* * *

_**XL**_

_It is such a shame when the young die…_

_Especially when one knows that when it comes right down to it, it is one's own fault._

_It was such a beautiful voice. He wanted to listen to it speak forever._

_Razor was vaguely aware of himself, but he couldn't sense anything. There was only the voice in its heavenly beauty, existing somewhere inside his mind._

_He felt so comfortable, so hazy. If this was death, he should have committed suicide long ago…_

_Your life was meant to be longer…_

_The voice…_

_It was so beautiful…_

_He realized he was hearing something else now, truly hearing it, not in his mind like the voice. It became clearer with every passing moment._

_It was Rob, and he was weeping._

_Razor wanted to talk to him, comfort him, but he didn't know where he was._

_He felt cold air. He smelled sweat and blood. He felt a sharp sting of pain in his torso._

_He gasped for breath, opening his eyes. He found air._

_He could breathe again._

_The world spun around before his eyes before clicking back into place. He was in the Gym. He was alive._

_"I'm back…" he whispered hoarsely and looked at his upper body. There was no sign of a wound anymore._

_He crawled to his feet and looked around._

_The window was broken. Shards of glass littered the floor below it._

_All the Pokémon, in the middle of battle, had stopped dead to stare at one thing, which Razor looked at as well, tracing their gazes to a couple of meters above him._

_Floating there in the air was a pink, plain-looking Pokémon with a small, furred body, stubby triangular ears, a long, narrow tail and deep, sapphire blue eyes._

_It was Mew._

* * *

Well, well, well, Mew brought Razor back to life. One problem with this.

MEW DOESN'T HAVE POWER OVER LIFE AND DEATH! I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT!

If Mew _did_ have that power, than Mew could have brought _Ash_ back to life _without_ the Pokemon tears, and Mew could've brought _Lucario_ back to life in _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew!_

Mew _can't_ have the power over life and death, Dragonfree! He just, _**can't**_!

* * *

_"He knows nothing that is of any worth to you," said the beautiful voice to Rob, and Razor realized it was Mew's. "I am never for long in the same place, as you should know! Let him go and return his Pokémon. In return, they will not report you to the human authorities."_

_Rob dropped to his knees, looking as if he was about to burst into tears again, the boy's Pokéballs falling out of his hand and rolling around the floor._

_"As for me…" Mew continued with a playful twinkle in its eyes, "catch me if you can."_

_The legendary's sapphire blue eyes looked meaningfully at Rob before it vanished into thin air._

_Rob's gaze turned to Razor._

_"Scyther…" he breathed weakly. "You must help me get Mew now…"_

* * *

Curse you! You tried to kill him, you bastard! And now you expect him to help you? If I were Razor, I'd kill you right then and now!

* * *

_Razor looked at him, that pitiful victim of irrational obsession, and could only shake his head._

_"You've changed," he said softly. "With Mew around, you're not the Rob I'm willing to fight for. Your obsession poisons your mind. I could stay with you if you gave up on Mew, but you won't. I can't stand this."_

_Rob looked at him, the understanding that Razor had always linked to him returning to his eyes. The man sighed and looked down. Neither of them noticed the two children make for the exit with the boy's Pokéballs._

_"No," he replied quietly. "You're right. I'm pretty (CENSORED) up, you know? I have to search for Mew. I can't live without it, any more than you could live without chasing your Nightmare if she were a Scyther again. I'm sorry."_

_"Then I wish you the best of luck," Razor said, hearing his voice tremble. "Goodbye, Rob. We might see each other again one day."_

_"Goodbye, Scyther," Rob whispered. "I hope your life changes for the better."_

* * *

You're the one whose life needs to change! Or better yet, _end,_ you psychopath!

* * *

_He looked down at the city. He saw the Pokémon Center, and two familiar children approaching it in a hurry._

_Mark, she had called the boy, hadn't she?_

* * *

Wait, so the boy is Mark? He's not Max? So May isn't the one from the Anime. Why must the author make things confusing . .

_Razor thought back to the conscience question and chuckled. He hadn't seemed too bad._

_The Scyther stood up, feeling the cool wind stroke his body. He walked slowly to the very edge of the roof and looked down at the street below – and the Pokémon Center at the other end of that very street._

_Smiling to himself, he took a deep breath, prepared his wings for fast, straight flight, and jumped._

* * *

So I assume Razor goes on to join Mark's Pokemon Team, and that's the end. . .or rather, beginning of whatever he does in that Quest for the Legends story which I ma forced to read in order to find out what happens next!

Well, this story was. . .amazing! It was written. . .amazingly! But it was dark and depressing. I like dark stories, but I find a little bit of humor and happier characters to be a breath of fresh air. I don't want a children's cartoon, but I don't want _1984_ either. The Scyther race is portrayed as the worst thing in the world. We have a kind character who goes psychotic in two chapters. And how is everyone able to talk to Pokemon! I don't understand this, and I can't let it go. The author needs to explain this. And Razor just acts so stupid, mainly during Nightmare's kidnapping. Scooby Doo and Shaggy are braver than him! And there's the whole weird M rating. Those swear words weren't necessary. They didn't need to be here. But I guess the rating was really from the death, blood, murder, and suicide. So, I found this story entertaining, but I would only read it once. If you like stories that focus on the life of a character and develop them, then this probably is the fanfic for you.

Well, that's the story.

_(Mewtwo growled and whipped out his giant spoon)_

And since this wasn't a bad story I couldn't destroy it with my Psychic Powers! Darn it!

_(Mewtwo sighed)_

Maybe next time I guess. . .which will probably be in a few months at least according to Keldeo. Maybe I check it out right now. . .

_(Mewtwo pulls up an Email he received and looks at the web address: : / / w w w . / 0 7 / . p h p)_

WHAT! I hate to type this whole thing in and then remove the spaces?

_(Mewtwo grumbles and spends a few minuted carefully typing the address in. He hits enter)_

WHAT! PAGE NOT FOUND! 404 ERROR!

_(Mewtwo took out his spoon and fired a Psywave attack at the computer, causing it to blow up)_

**THE END**

Performed by Mewtwo

**_Credits_**

_1984_

_Portal_

_Scooby Doo_

_Epic Rap Battles of History by Nicepeter_

_The Angry Video Game Nerd_

Special Thanks to Digi Brony After Dark for inspiration to do a Mature version of review

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	6. The Wrath of Virizion

**_WARNING: Although this review censors it, the actual story being reviewed contains crude behavior involving the body's private reproductive organs. I read this story by mistake and it caught me off guard. Yeah, I was tricked into reading this garbage. Therefore, I advice you not to read the actual story, or else you may be mentally scared by it. You have been warned._**

* * *

Mewtwo formed a Shadow Ball in his paws and jammed it onto his computer.

_**He's gonna review Pokemon fics**_

**_He hopes these stories won't make him sick_**

Mew then quickly flew right behind Mewtwo, who was busy looking at the computer screen in front of him.

**_He'd rather have. . ._**

**_A Bouffallant. . ._**

**_Use Horn Attack in both his ears._**

Mewtwo's eyes widened as he looked at the computer screen while chugging a bottle of Moo Moo Milk. He ended up doing a huge spit-take onto the screen

**_He'd rather eat. . ._**

**_A rotten Poffin. . ._**

**_That was thrown in a dirty dumpster last year._**

Mewtwo was now pounding on the keyboard as Mew continued to play behind him.

**_He's the angriest critic ever known_**

**_He's the angry Mature themed Clone_**

**_He's the angry M/AO Clone_**

**_He's The Angry Rated M Clone_**

**The Angry Rated M Clone- The Wrath of Virizion by The Gentleman Xerneas **

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

Now, before you all say ,"Mewtwo! You're an idiot! This story is rated T!" Well you know what, this fanfic is so. . .HORRENDOUS. . . that it should be rated M! So I'm gonna review it! Deal with it!

* * *

_**The Wrath Of Virizion**_

_Author: The Gentleman Xerneas _

_The Legendary Pokemon Virizion punishes a trainer after he makes a big mistake..._

* * *

Let me elaborate on the plot. A Trainer manages to capture all four of the Swords of Justice, like in the games. Virizion is very unhappy about this. Basically it focuses on Virizion coming to grips with being controlled by a Pokemon Trainer. Virizion learns acceptance and to not judge people without finding out about them. The plot sounds good, so how could you mess it up?

You wanna know?

* * *

_**A/N: Er, somehow I feel like I started with a really good plot and then ruined it… Oh well. The whole purpose of this story is to bring attention to the fact that Virizion is male. I simply cannot contain my anger when people refer to Virizion as female, so I felt like I needed to make a story where he actually is male.**_

* * *

_(Mewtwo lowered his eyebrows in anger and disgust.)_

That's how.

That's right, this author is stupid enough to suggest that Virizion is a male. Yeah, those pink leaves on Virizion's neck, and that pink trim on Virizion's boots, yeah that doesn't mean he's a girl. He just looks feminine! Maybe's he's effeminate! I'm being sarcastic by the way. Seriously, the concept of this story is pure BS.

So, let's get this over with. Luckily this story is short.

* * *

_He had finally been caught by that irritating human trainer, after at least a month of running, hiding, and using obscure cat-and-mouse tactics._

_He was grateful, at the very least; that he had been the last to fall. Keldeo was first; his young legs just couldn't out speed the trainer's Emolga, and it took him out with just one electro ball._

_Cobalion was second. Being the valiant, noble lad he was; he had told Terrakion and Virizion to keep running, while he returned to rescue their little trainee. He had put up a wondrous fight too, until the Emolga used Volt Switch and brought out a Chandelure, that is. With it being resistant or immune to all of Cobalion's attacks, he just couldn't hold it off any longer. So it was with great misery that Virizion watched as Cobalion was caught, sealed away in a red and white monstrosity that the humans called a pokeball._

_The two surviving Sacred Swordsman had lasted another week of being hotly pursued, but as they approached Nacrene City, the weak and exhausted Terrakion gave out, letting his huge, bulky form collapse, making him an easy target for the unstoppable human that followed._

_Normally, Virizion would have gone back to defend his ally, but Terrakion insisted that he run, lest all four of the noble Sacred Swordsmen were to be caught, leaving no one to protect the helpless Pokémon of the land from the ever hungry, tyrannical humans that dominated the world._

_As a last resort, Virizion had fled deep into the confines of his home, Pinwheel Forest. He was confident that he wouldn't be caught; no human would dare venture this far into the forest, especially when it was mating season for the Scolipede. He had sighed in relief, and had begun forming a plan to rescue his dear companions, when he looked up to see a purple and pink ball whizzing in his direction…_

_CLICK_

_There was a brilliant flash of red light, before the entire world became pitch black. Virizion had never been in one before, but he knew just where he was…_

_"Hell yeah! That was kinda a waste of a Master Ball, but a month is more than enough time to chase a Pokémon!" Even within the confines of his new prison, Virizion could hear his new Slave master crying in victory. He felt overwhelming despair consume his whole form, now he, and his only companions, had all fallen to a human, a young one at that. There was now no one to protect the Pokémon… No one to stop the human's endless quest for power…_

* * *

You know, I have to agree with Virizion here. With the Swords of Justice all captured, who will protect the world from Pokemon Hunters, Villainous Teams, and other evil humans. Heck, what about the evil Pokemon out there?

So, the Trainer is trying to be nice to Virizion, but Virizion still hates him.

* * *

_In an expression of defiance, Virizion marched ahead of his trainer. His mobile prison prevented him from walking too far, but a distance of 20 metres was good enough for now._

_Cobalion, Terrakion and Keldeo had all been loyally walking beside the human who had corrupted them, but after seeing Virizion saunter off they sighed and followed. Virizion pretended to not notice._

_"Come on Virizion, give the boy a chance. He's not that bad!" Terrakion pleaded. He tried smiling disarmingly, but it only made him look even more stupid than usual._

_"I refuse. I will not cooperate with a filthy human."_

_"I am well aware of how you feel, my friend." Cobalion sighed inwardly. "I hated him as well, at first. I was disgusted by the mere sight of him. But since I could not escape, I had no choice but to observe how he behaved; and it was far from what I expected." Cobalion paused, allowing the words to sink into Virizion's stubborn mind._

_"He cares for his Pokémon, Virizion. He cares for us! None of use believed it at first, but now we can see that he genuinely would do anything for us."_

_"Lies." Virizion callously brushed off Cobalion's words, making the latter shake his head in annoyance._

_"He's not lying!" Keldeo yelled suddenly. "He likes me! He even cuddled me when I got beat up!"_

* * *

_(Mewtwo chuckled)_

Alright, that was funny. Hilarious, even. Yeah, a Magikarp slapped him, and Keldeo runs back to get a hug from his Trainer. Hm-hm-hm! What a wimp. . .

Anyway, Cobalion tries to get Virizion to listen to reason.

* * *

_Cobalion shook his head again, and stomped his hoof onto the path, kicking up a heap of dust. It did not affect the hardy Pokémon, but they could hear their trainer starting to cough behind them._

_"Listen. It took a week for him to catch you, correct?"_

_"Correct."_

_"Do you know why?"_

_"Because he is incompetent; just like every other human."_

_"No. Along the way to catch you, we had to battle many Pokémon; both wild and trained. Along Route 4, we were attacked by a horde of Darmanitan; a very angry, brutal horde of Darmanitan. Knowing that Keldeo, Terrakion and I were all weak to their Fire and Psychic attacks, he kept us in our balls, and send out his other two Pokémon to fight. They never stood a chance. Both were absolutely decimated, and collapsed down onto the sand. As the Darmanitan went to finish them off, he threw his own body over them, shielding them from the attacks."_

_Virizion kept walking, his head facing straight down. Realising that he wasn't going to reply, Cobalion continued._

_"After suffering those attacks, he had barely enough energy to return his Pokémon to their pokeballs, and call out Terrakion. Given Terrakion's hardy nature, he was able to withstand the elements and make it to one of those 'Pokecenters'. It took an hour for his Pokémon to recover, but took three days for him to recover. It was only because we stopped chasing you for those three days that you had enough time to escape. If he had continued on without his injured Pokémon, we would've caught you weeks ago."_

* * *

Wow, they're really making this Trainer guy out to be a saint. Well, I guess in order for this plot to work he _has_ to be a good guy.

* * *

_Virizion bit his lip, and continued to ignore his superior's words. He felt a strange sinking feeling in gut. Was this… was this remorse?_

_Virizion struggled to keep his voice stable as he responded._

_"I- I don't believe you… Humans can't be truste-"_

_"Am I really the type of person who lies, Virizion?" Cobalion had raised his voice angrily, something very rare for the Iron Will Pokémon to do._

_"Do you know why he chased you all this way? Why he even bothered to catch you?" He continued, putting harsh emphasis on each word._

_"Be-because he wanted to use me for his selfish, greedy purpose-"_

_"Wrong!" Cobalion leapt in front, blocking Virizion's path. As he looked up, he was met by Cobalion's fabled glare. After being with Cobalion for years, he had grown somewhat accustomed to it, but this time…_

_"After catching Terrakion, he wasn't even going to bother going after you. But then he realised how close we are to you. He realised that you were family to us. And that's when he told us; that he would go and capture you, and let us be a happy family again. That's all he wanted. That's all he ever wanted, for us to be happy. He even said he'd go live with us in the wild if that would make us happy. If that doesn't convince you that he's a good person, then you're blind to the world."_

_That sinking feeling tore at Virizion's heart, forcing him to hold back the rising emotions. The only sound was his unsteady breathing, as Cobalion, Terrakion and Keldeo silently watched him. Behind them, they could hear human footsteps approaching…_

_"I'll… I'll give him just one chance. But only one." He uttered uncertainly. Both Keldeo and Terrakion burst out into big grins, and for the first time in at least four months, Cobalion smiled._

* * *

Okay, so this story seems to be going up. So lets see what happens next.

* * *

_"Human… I- I think I have misjudged you, so as atonement, I am willing to be your friend, for now. Do you accept?"_

_The boy smiled cheerfully, and reached out to pet one of Virizion's horns. The other three Sacred Swordsmen nodded in acknowledgement._

_"I'd love too! I've wanted to be friends for ages! Cobalion, Terrakion and Keldeo have told me how awesome you are!"_

_Virizion struggled to hold back the blood quickly spreading to his face._

_"Awesome, you say? Well, I'm not one to boast, but…"_

_"You know, normally I don't have any female Pokémon on my team, but for you I'll make an exception." The boy remarked._

_Virizion stopped dead is his tracks._

_"What did you say?" He asked, in a hushed voice, barely above whisper. Neither he nor the human had noticed it, but the other three Pokémon had leapt away. Far away._

_"I said, I normally don't let females onto my team, but since you're so cool I'll let it slide. I guess one girl can't hurt!"_

* * *

I guess now we get to see the titular "Wrath of Virizion."

* * *

_The boy barely dodged the skull shattering kick that was aimed at his head._

_"W-WOAH! What was that for?" He cried out in alarm. The other Sacred Swordsmen shifted nervously._

_"C'mon Virizion, he didn't know!" Terrakion pleaded. His pleas fell upon deaf ears._

_"I'll ask you just one more time. What did you say?"_

_The shaking boy gulped nervously, he had no idea what he had done wrong._

_"I-I said that I d-don't n-ormally let g-girls onto my team, b-but you can st-stay!"_

_He grunted in pain as another hard kick connected with his chest. He flew back at least a metre and landed rear-first onto the dusty pathway. Virizion marched up and stood menacingly over him, giving him no opportunity to escape._

_"Do you honestly think I am female?" He asked, almost sweetly._

_"Well, yeah! I'm sorry if you're not! You just look so girly!" He cried in terror._

* * *

_(Mewtwo rubbed his head between his eyes)_

Oh my gosh, this kid's an idiot. And they say Ash is stupid. . .

* * *

_His head snapped back as Virizion mercilessly head-butted him._

_"YOU IDIOT! YOU POLTROON! HOW DARE YOU MISTAKE ME FOR A WOMAN! I SHOULD FLAY YOUR HIDE RIGHT NOW!" He roared, furiously stomping his boots all around the boy._

_"I'm sorry!" He wailed through his tears. A little bit of snot dribble down the side of his face._

* * *

Eww. . .

* * *

_"Sorry is not good enough! Do you need evidence to believe me?" He growled, peering closely at the human._

_"Nooo! Don't kill him! He lets me (CENSORED)!" Keldeo wailed. No one was paying any attention to him._

* * *

Alright, that line was disgraceful! And no I'm not saying what the line was! And if you look up the fanfic to find out, you've asked for it!

* * *

_"No! No! I believe you!" The human screamed, shielding himself._

_"I doubt you do, you lying scum! Here! I'll show you!" And with that, he let out a little grunt-_

* * *

_**STOP! **  
_

Stop! Stop! Stop! I've had enough! I will not continue with this! What happens next is a huge disgrace! I'm not going to let you see what happens next! And you know what, _you don't wanna see what happens next!_ And if you _do_ wanna see, and you go and read this story yourself, THEN YOU DESERVE WHATEVER PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE YOU RECEIVE!

_(Mewtwo whipped out his giant spoon and blasted the computer with a Psywave. The monitor shorted out and went black._ _Mewtwo then sighed.)_

Anyway, after Virizion. . .punishes the kid. . .she breaks their Pokeballs and they all run away. But Keldeo first says more. . .deviant stuff like what I censored before. . .oh please, don't let the real Keldeo read this. It's rated T, he might come across it, please don't let him read this piece of trash.

That's it, I've had enough.

_(Mewtwo took a long drink from a bottle of Moo Moo Milk and sighed)_

Was there any research done here? That movie, "_Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice," _did that mean anything to this author? Did he watch that movie at all before he threw this disgusting fanfic together? But this author did write some good fanfics, he _did_! "Broken Audi(N)o" and "Legendary Origins", those two are pretty good. But before that, before those were written, this thing was born! THIS FANFIC WAS BORN FROM HELL! A FANFIC OF TRASH!

This fanfic. . .might even be. . _**.the worst Pokemon Fanfic ever made!** (Ahem, the worst fanfic that was written well grammatically and wasn't meant to be a troll-fic or a Creepy-pasta, that is.)_

It's doesn't just have bad and good things. It's not even just bad all the way through. It starts good as if to lure you in, so you won't expect it to get so bad, but when it gets bad, it doesn't just get bad. It's not like, "Oh this fanfic was good but then the ending ruined it". _**No**_, It doesn't just have a bad ending, _**oh** **no**,_ the final parts of this fanfic are straight from Hell! Wow, I'm actually impressed! How did he do it? How did he make it **_so_ **bad?

Bad doesn't even describe it! It's disgraceful!_ It's putrid_! It's EVIL!

_(Mewtwo's eyes started to glow as he shouted in rage with his Psychic aura glowing around him)_

**Curse this terrible Fanfic! Curse this evil story! It's literally a fanfic written with font made of evil pixels! It's an condensed evil!**

_(Mewtwo calmed down as his powers lowered to stable levels)_

It's junk. It's garbage. And I'm done. That's it. Good night.

_(Mewtwo left the room for a minute. Then he came back in a fiery rage)_

THIS FANFIC IS A FRAUD! IT'S RATED T, BUT IT SHOULD BE RATED M! IT ISN'T FIT FOR ANYONE'S EYES! THE AUTHOR KNEW THIS WHEN HE RATED IT T! IT'S A TRAP HE SET TO SCAR PEOPLE FOR LIFE! WHAT WAS HE THINKING?

_(Mewtwo blinked and his eyes widened)_

Oh wait, that's right, he wasn't thinking. . . just read this Author's Note.

* * *

_****__**A/N: Er, somehow I feel like I started with a really good plot and then ruined it… Oh well. The whole purpose of this story is to bring attention to the fact that Virizion is male. I simply cannot contain my anger when people refer to Virizion as female, so I felt like I needed to make a story where he actually is male.**_

_**So… yup. That's about it. I feel kinda bad about ruining a decent plot idea, so I might make another version that doesn't actually end in the trainer (CENSORED). And I guess I better remove the Keldeo (CENSORED) part as well…**_

* * *

**THE END**

Performed by Mewtwo

**_Credits_**

_The Angry Video Game Nerd- Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure NES_

Special Thanks to Digi Brony After Dark for inspiration to do a Mature version of review

_**This fanfic is a disgusting disgrace. Please don't go and read it. It's immoral and pure filth. That T rating is a blatant lie. It should be rated M. I'd rather you watch an episode of Friendship is Witchcraft than read that garbage. What is the fascination with reproductive organs? So don't read that story whatever you do. This is a warning. Don't open Pandora's Box.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	7. Meema's Heat

_**WARNING: Although this review sensors it, the actual story being reviewed contains vivid descriptions of intercourse and incest. I would advise you not to read the actual story. You have been warned. Hopefully those of you who so foolishly went and read "The Wrath of Virizion" have learned your lesson and won't make the same mistake twice.**_

* * *

Mewtwo walked over to his large computer and hit the power button. The machine buzzed and whirred as the screen turned on. Mewtwo proceeded to type in his password and log on.

_**He's gonna review Pokemon fics-**_

"TECHNO REMIX!" Mew shouted, suddenly teleporting in behind Mewtwo. The music then changed from guitar to a high speed Techno beat.

_**He's gonna review Pokemon fics!**_

**_He hopes these stories won't make him sick!_**

Mewtwo jumped away from the computer screen and covered his eyes.

**_He'd rather have!_**

**_A Bouffallant!_**

**_Use Horn Attack in both his ears!_**

Mewtwo's grabbed an empty Moo Moo Milk bottle and began hitting the screen with it.

**_He'd rather eat!_**

**_A rotten Poffin!_**

**_That was thrown in a dirty dumpster last year!_**

Mewtwo raised his giant spoon and charged up a large amount of Psychic energy.

**_He's the angriest critic ever known!_**

**_He's the angry Mature themed Clone!_**

**_He's the angry M/AO Clone!_**

**_He's The Angry Rated M Clone!_**

Mewtwo fired a powerful Psywave attack at the screen.

**The Angry Rated M Clone- Meema's Heat by YamiMarik1994**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

Hello there, and I'm making the review with someone in mind. And that someone is Zoroark. Just recently, Zoroark did an Anime review in a tribute to me.

* * *

_I'm talking about Mewtwo, also known as "The Angry Rated M Clone." Well, quite frankly, he's so powerful and prone to angry that any attempt to feud with him would result in total destruction, not to mention a guaranteed loss. But I did want to do a little salute to him, just to acknowledge his existence. But I did not want to read a rated M fanfic. So, I decided to do an extremely negative review on something to simulate the hatred and disgust Mewtwo would show to a filthy M rated story. And what better target than the worst Pokemon episode of all time._

* * *

I appreciated the compliments and respect, and I really did enjoy that review. It really _was _the worst episode of the entire Anime. I thank you greatly, Zoroark. In fact, I decided to respond by reviewing a story staring you. If it's a good one, _yes there are good rated M fanfics, like "Scyther's Story", _then I can add to your fame. If it's a bad one, then I can help keep your reputation safe by making sure no one else reads it. Well, I've got the fanfic right in front of me, so I'll start reading it now.

* * *

_One reading later. . . ._

* * *

_(Mewtwo has his face buried in his paws. He stayed like that for a while, then he finally put his paws down and looked up. He looked mentally beaten and drained. He also looked depressed.)_

I. . .got nothing. . .I've got absolutely nothing. I mean, what the heck am I supposed to say? Just look at the summary:

* * *

_**Meema's Heat**_

_Author: YamiMarik1994  
_

___After the incident in Crown City, Zorua is willing to do anything to show his mother how happy he makes her. When she goes into heat and there's not a male around, he realizes how he can make it all up to her. Incest One-shot. A project with WolfietheLion._

* * *

Does that even _sound_ like it's even going to try and be good?

_(Mewtwo sighed and stared into space. Then he turned forward with an angry expression.)_

I feel violated. I honestly feel violated by this fanfic, it is _that _bad! There is no subtlety, no tact. . .no care taken when writing this _**smut**_at all!

_(Mewtwo huffed and looked at his paws. Then he groaned.)_

Let's get this over with.

* * *

___**Hey there everyone! My new boyfriend and I, WolfietheLion (Yeah that's right! Don't judge me! XPP) saw Zoroark: Master of Illusions and we both love Zorua, so we decided to do a lemon with him together! X3 I owe him an awful lot of credit for this! I wouldn't have been able to do it if I did it by myself! Be sure to thank him too!**_

* * *

Oh boy, we're in trouble. First, how can two males write about what a female goes through? Second, more than one writer is _always _a bad sign. The worst movies and the worst TV show episodes are always written by more than one person.

So. . .the story actually begins innocently enough. Zorua and Zoroark are relaxing in their home in Unova. They just recently got back from Crown City after Ash and the heroes saved them. Zorua is playing "guess who" with Zoroark.

* * *

_It was early in the evening and the sun was low in the sky. Unova was a peaceful region; well, at least more peaceful than what she and Zorua went through back at Crown City. She owed Ash a lot for taking care of her son; she loved him so much, that little dark ball of fur, running around the soft grass in the small forest giggling cutely and practicing his Illusion ability, under her careful watch of course. Zoroark could not help but smile; Zorua could make her smile without even trying. She watched the little fox, eyes following him wherever he went..._

_Eyes flicking up towards his mother every so often, Zorua smiled and giggled as he slid to a stop a few feet from his Meema, bright blue eyes facing towards her and white teeth open a soft grin._

_Eyes flicking up towards his mother every so often, Zorua smiled and giggled as he slid to a stop a few feet from his Meema, bright blue eyes facing towards her and white teeth open a soft grin._

_"How was that Meema?" Without waiting for her to respond, he leaped into the air, his body covered in a pinkish glow; without a soft giggle, he landed on two legs, in the shape of his old friend Ash Ketchum. It had been a while since he had last seen him though, his eyes, hair, hat, and backpack a different color then the original's._

_"Meema who am I?" He asked excitedly, black tail twitching on his human body._

_There he was, in the form of Ash Ketchum again. Meema smiled at her son, paws against her broad chest. He was getting better at shifting into humans; Pokémon were easy, but it took a lot of skill to fully disguise yourself as a human; walking on two legs like that was hard and with your tail out in the open like that, it was a dead giveaway._

_"You're Ash Ketchum, Zorua," she replied sweetly, so proud of his skills. "I can never forget that face. You're doing so well with your Illusion abilities."_

_The praise from his Meema, it made his head raise high and his tail wag back and forth in pure excitement. All he ever tried to do anymore was impress her, show her how strong he was getting, how he would be able to protect her if some other bad man came to try and take them from their home._

* * *

You know what's sad? This scene is really nice. I would rather read a whole fanfic devoted to this than read the actual fanfic. And the fact that you know what's coming after this set up is even more painful.

* * *

_"Now who am I Meema?" He asked, once again turning into a pinkish ball and transforming, this time into the girl, Dawn was her name? Yes her, he giggled, remembering how she hated it when he turned into her._

_She wanted to compliment him greatly on his latest Illusion, but a sharp wave of heat made her long muzzle clamp shut. It felt like...she was burning on the inside. Meema felt her forehead; maybe she was getting a fever? No, she didn't feel sick, but she was hot. Could it be...that time? Oh Arceus, not now, not here with her sweet little boy._

* * *

Wow, this story wastes no time it getting to what will soon be it's own death.

* * *

_"You're...you're that girl, who was with Ash. I can't remember...her name. Was it...Diane...D-Dawn...?" She closed her glinting blue eyes and kept her paw on her head, feeling the hotness grow inside her, like that fire she created in Crown using her Entei illusion..._

_Giggling softly, he nodded and transformed back into his fox form, hitting the ground and throwing up a leg to scratch behind one of his ears. "Yep Meema! Dawn didn't like it when I turned into her." He smiled brightly up at her and paused at the strange look on her face, it reminded him of the time when they finally saw each other again in Crown city._

_"Meema...are you okay?" Already he was worried, a light whimper escaping his throat "You're not getting sick...are you Meema?"_

_That whimper he made, she wished she hadn't made it so obvious something was wrong with her. She brought her legs up to her chest, legs spread slightly. The heat was spreading up, down, left and right, everywhere from the tips of her claws to the end of her nose._

_"I...I don't feel sick...but I am feeling...hot all over..." she replied calmly, not wanting her son to be worried about her. Rubbing her head, she let out a soft frustrated growl and clenched her paw to relieve a slight pain she got, but regardless she smiled at him. "I'll be okay sweetie. Don't worry about me..."_

* * *

You're not very convincing, Zoroark! I mean, you clearly look terrible, and your son wasn't born yesterday!

So, when Zorua doesn't buy it, he decides to go and get his mother some Oran Berries to make her feel better.

* * *

_Do you got any Oran Berries! PLEASE! I really need some Oran Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please? _

* * *

I have to admit, this story was kind enough to remind me of Zorua Reviews, so I'm suffering a little bit less now.

* * *

_Just like that he was off...Zorua had such a perky attitude, always on his feet, so happy and carefree... she loved everything about her son, everything... Zoroark leaned forward and she was attacked by a sharp wave of heat, down there. Relieved Zorua wasn't here to hear her soft whine, she pressed her legs together hard._

_"I...No, I am in heat..." she growled to herself, closing her eyes in disbelief. Why did this have to happen now? At least...it didn't come to her at Crown City. That would've been a nightmare, trying to get her son back while fighting the urge to mate…_

* * *

Well it's a nightmare right now, too! For us!

Meanwhile, it's revealed that the Author's didn't do any research at all.

* * *

_To gather berries, he took the form of a Vigaroth, the monkey Pokémon easily able to jump from branch to branch and gather up the ripest of the berries. Every swipe of his clawed hands gathered more and more berries up, some of them falling to the ground and immediately being picked up by younger, smaller Pokémon, Pokémon that weren't as strong as him! The mere thought made him smile; with one paw full of berries, he used his other to help him slide down to the ground, his paws immediately carrying him back up the hill and towards his Meema._

_"I got your favorites!"_

_She glance up to see the Vigaroth carrying an armful of Oran Berries. He was so good, using his illusions to his full advantage._

* * *

_(Mewtwo face palmed)_

That's not how Illusions work. Illusions only make Zorua _look_ like a different Pokemon. He doesn't turn into it. The berries would just go through his Vigaroth paws, and he couldn't climb like a Vigaroth either. But to be fair, that inaccurate Skiploom scene in the movie is probably responsible for this. Yes, check Keldeo's review of _Zoroark: Master of Illusions _for more details on what the Ability Illusion can and can't do.

* * *

_"You're such a good boy..." she smiled, her words soft and loving. "Momma loves you Zorua..." She sat up, thick red mane flowing behind her. She had to admit, she was hungry, and Oran Berries were her favorite; nice round, blue berries, so juicy and ripe, sweet and a little tart all at the same time...it made her salivate, and heat up even more..._

_That made him smile brightly and blush softly, dropping the berries down on the ground in front of her and softly hug her. "I'm not a little boy anymore Meema..." Of course, his trademark giggle escaped from him as he changed back into his Zorua form, shaking out his fur and wiggling his arms to get used to his small forms once more. "I knew you'd like these ones!"_

_"You're right. You're not a little boy anymore, but you always will be to me..." she said, the hug making her warm all over, the sign of her son's affection showing just how much he loved her, but he pulled away before she could return it; and that giggle, oh it was so cute!_

* * *

I know I usually hate syrupy sweet stuff like this, but I'd rather read stuff like this than all the filth that's gonna happen later.

* * *

_His paw gently swiped a berry towards him, his small, sharp teeth taking an easy chunk out of it; he yelped in surprise though as a burst of sweet, ripe juices sprayed over his muzzle. The mother could not help but giggle at that, blue liquids leaking down her muzzle._

_"Oh my! What a mess! Here, let mommy get that for you." she said with sweet surprise, wettening her claws and wiping his muzzle clean of the sweet juices, smiling once it was all gone. _

* * *

Seriously, why couldn't the whole story be like this?

* * *

_"There. Yes, I am feeling a bit better..." but as soon as those words came out of her mouth another sharp wave of heat and pain attacked her, the berry dropping from her claws as she let out a small whimper of need, clutching her legs tightly together..._

* * *

So, with the Oran berries not working, Zorua decides to go get a Pecha berry instead.

* * *

_Do you got any Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?_

* * *

Sorry, but it didn't take away any of the suffering this time. And what does Zoroark do while Zorua is out looking for a Pecha berry?

* * *

_He knew just the place to get Pecha berries, sure it was a little hard to get them due to all the Pokémon that enjoyed the sweet fruit, but it was worth it for his dear mother. His Vigaroth form once again helped him up a tall tree, the tops of which were empty from bird Pokémon, he would have to search deeper into the branches...it was probably going to take a while, but he would go as fast as he could._

_The Pecha berries were further away than the Oran berries, she was well aware of this. Zoroark felt something spreading through her, and it wasn't just the heat. The mother quickly turned around 180 degrees and spread her legs apart, a loud pant escaping her long muzzle. She clenched her eyes at the pain and _(CENSORED)

* * *

Who would want to read about someone doing _that_?!

Meanwhile, Zorua is having his own problems.

* * *

_Okay so MAYBE it wasn't such a good idea to go poking his nose into every group of branches he saw, MAYBE it wasn't such a good idea to steal a Pecha berry from a rather chubby Spearow, but hey! The nest was covered in the sweet fruit's rinds! He didn't deserve or need any more when his Meema was in pain! Of course...he didn't know about the Spearow's older brother. And that was how he found himself running back to the hill and his home, a large Fearow flying overhead and trying to dive at him every so often._

_"It's my berry stupid bird!" He yelped out as the beak grazed his tail, the berry clutched safely between his teeth; then he saw it, his mother outside the den and waiting for him to return._

* * *

Again, why couldn't the whole story be like this? It could have been about Zorua and Zoroark spending the day together, with some funny scenes of Zorua trying to get berries while getting into wacky hi-jinks! Btu nope! That would be wholesome and innocent, and these two authors are against those things!

* * *

___"Mooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmy!" Zorua whined out, practically flying straight into the larger Pokémon's chest and dropping the berry in her lap. _

* * *

Wow. . .wow. . .

When has Zorua ever called his mother "mommy"? He only calls him "Meema," and nothing else! Huh, but that's the least of our problems.

* * *

_"The stupid bird won't stop chasing me!" He cried out, looking up at the sky. Suddenly he froze, his nose softly twitching as he caught a strange new scent, one that was like the flowers that would grow into berries, sweet and very thick in the air. Needless to say, it made the poor Pokémon's head spin, a light, involuntary giggle escaping his throat. _

* * *

_(Mewtwo moaned in pain)_

Oh no, it's beginning. . .

So Zoroark hits the Spearow with a Dark Pulse and it flies off. And then Zoroark realizes that due to her disgusting actions, Zorua has caught wind of the scents she's released.

* * *

_"Did you learn Sweet Scent Meema…," he giggled, swaying on his paws from side to side slowly. "You shouldn't test it on me..." Shaking his head softly and giggling,_

* * *

You know this would be funny if. . . .

No. No, nothing could make this scene funny. It's disgusting, wrong, sick, and twisted.

You know what _would _be funny?

ANYTHING THAT'S NOT IN THIS AGONIZING FANFIC!

I had to Censor a ton of paragraphs between the start and right now! And we're not even half done yet!

* * *

_Zoroark turned slowly to her son. She could not help but feel bad for what her smell was doing to him; it had a special effect on males, no matter what age they were. And the sexual desire would only get stronger and stronger until she could no longer take it anymore._

_"No...Z-Zorua, Meema didn't...learn Sweet Scent...I'm sorry baby..." _

* * *

You better be sorry!

And so, _(Sigh), _Zoroark decides to explain to Zorua what's really going on.

* * *

_"Zorua, sweetheart, mommy...mommy, is...is in h-heat..." she replied nervously, her thighs pressing tightly together in an attempt to suppress the smell. Now there was a word he heard rarely, gently tilting his head to the side and grimacing._

_"But...it's spring Meema, it's not that hot out!" A smile came across his face, his tail softly wagging now that he knew what was going on, it was just hot out! "Maybe we should go swimming?" He asked, walking up to her leg and softly pawing it; they hadn't been swimming in a while, that had to be it._

_She closed her eyes and whined in disbelief; but she wasn't surprised, after all he was still a little boy and as much as he wanted to deny it, it was true. He had a lot to learn, but why did it have to be this time of the year? Zoroark fought back the gentle tears that started to flow down her dark-furred face, covering them up with her paws._

_"N-No sweetheart not...not that kind of heat...it's-it's something all females...go into this time of the year..." she looked at him with gentle blue eyes, hating and cursing herself for feeling and acting this way. "Do you...do you remember that t-talk...I wanted to have with you a few months ago...?"_

_Softly landing on his rear end, one leg was kicked up to softly scratch behind one of his ears, a talk...a talk... "Was it the one about why I shouldn't sniff other males?"_

* * *

_(Mewtwo had an expression of disbelief on his face)_

How the heck did that come up? I mean, what was he doing to warrant that? Why was he sniffing other males? Don't dogs do that all the time? Is it different with foxes? I don't know, I don't even care!

* * *

_ His head was cocked to the side gently, his smile once again growing. "Oh! It was the one about where kits come from right? You said they were from Ho-oh." That had had to be it, of course! His tail wagged softly and he got to all fours, nodding his head. "Ya I remember...you said that males put their thingies in females..."_

* * *

**_SMACK!_**

_(Mewtwo put his paw on his cheek, wincing a bit.)_

That line was so bad it felt like a smack in the face!

So, after Zoroark explains the best she can, Zorua gets an idea, which actually isn't that bad.

* * *

_"So...we should find a daddy for me?" He didn't remember his real father, and his mother rarely mentioned him to the little fox, except...when she was angry or annoyed, then she'd blame him for things... "Is that a good idea mommy?" He whimpered, softly rubbing his head against her warm leg, unable but help inhale her sweet smell and sigh._

_She let out a soft sigh, the word "daddy" making her think of her former-mate. She hated that Zoroark for leaving after she became pregnant with her little boy, even though she was honestly happy without him around; Zorua was all she needed for her life to be complete._

* * *

_(Mewtwo spoke as fast as she could)_

In the deleted scene from _Zoroark: Master of Illusions, _it is revealed that Zoroark adopted Zorua, but since that scene was deleted, it makes sense for people to assume that Zorua is her biological son and that the father either died, was captured, or just left. There, I said it, moving on!

* * *

_"That...that is a good idea sweetheart," she said while standing up, her_ (CENSORED)._ "Believe me, I would've...gone out and searched for a mate, but...but what your father did to me...I...I don't want that to happen again..." She looked away from Zorua, not only to hide her tears, but she could feel her body wanting to betray her, make her give in to the temptation of mating; but she wasn't like that. She was his mother, and she loved him too much._

* * *

Oh, this is just stupid. Going through all this isn't worth it! Find another mate! I'm pretty sure Kodai wouldn't have captured you two if you had a strong father around!

_(Mewtwo sighed with frustration)_

And now. . .we come the most insane, idiotic, insulting collection of dialogue ever written in a Pokemon fanfic.

* * *

_"Mommy...you don't want to have another daddy do you..." His eyes, filled with sorrow, saw her falling tears; whimpering in the hopeless pain that he felt when she was captured in Crown city, he shook his head. "Can...can I help?"_

_"That's why...this is so hard for me. It's killing me on the inside sweetie," she replied sadly, kneeling down to kiss the top of his cute furry head. "I love you Zorua, and I would never do anything to hurt you..." she could feel the tears flowing down her face. "The last thing I would want...is for you to be hurt... _

_"Of course Meema...but...I want to help you with your problem...so you feel better..." He closed his eyes and very softly pressed his cheek against her warm leg, drinking in her sweet smells. "Mommy...if only this once...I want to help you with your problems...no matter what..." He smiled weakly up at her, mouth curved into a weak, good-natured grin. "What's the worst that could happen...?" _

_As much as she felt she would hate herself for doing it, she greatly appreciated how her son wanted to help her in her time of need. She smiled weakly down at him and sat down on her rear, picking him up and gently shifting him onto his back, holding the little Pokémon as if he was a newborn kit._

_"Zorua, you're such a sweet boy, wanting to help me out with this. I love you sweetheart." she stroked the side of his cute little face, her mouth curled into a soft smile. _

_There was exactly what he was thinking, right out in the open. He let out a soft whimper and frowned, trying to think of something to do, it was obvious though, with his major lack of knowledge into such thing, that he wouldn't find out how. Snuggling into her warm, strong arms, he sighed softly and wagged his tail lazily, gently rolling onto his back and smiling up at her lovingly._

_"I'll do anything to help you Meema..." He murred gently, a light grin on his face the entire time, he couldn't help it, it was either the grin or the giggle, it was just his natural personality. "And I want to help you mommy...just for you..."_

_"Sweetie...you're such a good boy. For that, I'll be sure to...return the favor." she said in a sweet, gentle, loving voice as she nuzzled him affectionately. "I'm going to do this carefully, okay? I won't do anything you can't handle..." _

* * *

And now. . .

_(Mewtwo took out his giant spoon and charged it full of power. It began glowing with golden light. Mewtwo raised it high a launched a powerful attack)_

**MEWTWO USED _CENSOR BOMB!_**

**_KABOOM!_**

**IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE!**

I was just forced to Censor almost half on an entire fanfic! Don't you all get it?! _Half of this fanfic was unreadable! _It's all just vivid descriptions of incest! Why do people read and write this? It's like pornography!

* * *

_"I love you Zorua...I love you so much..." she said in an extremely loving and comforting voice, holding him in her strong and warm arms and held him close to her chest, like she did before. She smiled down at her little boy and stroked the side of her face. "You did wonderfully baby. I had fun. My heat isn't hurting me anymore. T-Thank you Zorua..."_

_Zorua smiled up at her and giggled softly, his tail slowly wagging back and forth as he snuggled into her warm hold, eyes slowly closing. It was strange, to think about what they had just done, but he knew nothing had changed, he still loved his mother, and his Meema loved him._

_"I'm going to sleep Meema...," he yawned softly. "I love you mommy..." Just like that, not even a minute later, he was out like a light, lightly snoring in her hold and snuggling up closer at the same time._

_Nothing changed...nothing changed? It was amazing when you think about it, but they both loved each other the same way and that's all that mattered. If it changed their relationship, it only made them closer. The Zoroark mother smiled softly as she cradled her child in her arms, giggling softly as she watched him sleep and snore. Anything the little fox did made her smile._

_"I love you Zorua, my little baby..." she said softly, lightly kissing his little grey forehead. Her heat was gone, and she felt so much better. Meema stood up and went back into the soft darkness of the den, needing some well-needed sleep herself..._

_**Well, what did you think? We worked very very hard on this, and we hope you loved it!**_

_**R&R**_

* * *

_(Mewtwo's face is dead serious)_

So. . .the moral of this story. . .is that two people can have incest, and it doesn't matter in the slightest and nothing changes from it. . .

. . . .

. . . .

NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Incest destroys the DNA and is in complete rebellion against the way life was _designed_ to function!

And another thing, why do people like describing mating scenes in such vivid detail? Is it because no one will marry them so they write fantasies about it? Or maybe they're just sick pedophiles? I don't know, all I know is if it's usually done by a couple all alone in a dark room, then it has no business being written down in a story where anyone who knows how to turn off a ratings filter can see!

This story is filth! It's _crap_! It's _porn_! It doesn't deserve to exist! And don't tell me those authors worked very very hard on this! Hitler worked very very hard on the Holocaust!

This story is insulting to the real Zoroark and Zorua! And what's worse, they actually have some nice scenes in this. Therefore, here's my suggestion. _Do not _read that fanfic. Instead, read this review. That way you can see the cute scenes without looking at the filthy scenes.

That's it then, I'm done. I need to take a break from these horrible fanfics. . .

**THE END**

Performed by Mewtwo

**_Credits_**

_The Angry Video Game Nerd_

_Zorua Reviews_

Special Thanks to Digi Brony After Dark for inspiration to do a Mature version of review

_**This fanfic is an insult to Zoroark and Zorua. Who would want to read about them doing incest? That's disgusting! And what's with all the creepy details? Have the author's performed incest? I mean, seriously?**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	8. The Meloetta Fanfics

_**WARNING: The stories being reviewed characterize Meloetta as a disgustingly horny Pokémon who misuses her own body and rapes people and Pokémon, but this review is save enough. Just don't go and read Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus' stories.**_

* * *

Mewtwo teleported in front of his computer.

_**He's gonna review Pokemon fics**_

A comfortable chair appeared behind him and he sat down in it.

**_He hopes these stories won't make him sick_**

Mew then quickly flew right behind Mewtwo, who was busy looking at the computer screen in front of him.

**_He'd rather have. . ._**

**_A Bouffallant. . ._**

**_Use Horn Attack in both his ears._**

Mewtwo's chugged down a bottle of Moo Moo Milk.

**_He'd rather eat. . ._**

**_A rotten Poffin. . ._**

**_That was thrown in a dirty dumpster last year._**

Mewtwo crushed the screen with his Psychic powers.

**_He's the angriest critic ever known_**

**_He's the angry Mature themed Clone_**

Mewtwo dumped the bottle of Moo Moo Milk over his head.

**_He's the angry M/AO Clone_**

**_He's The Angry Rated M Clone_**

Mewtwo threw an Aura Sphere at the computer and blew it up.

**The Angry Rated M Clone- The Meloetta Fanfics by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

What happens when you take an innocent Mary Sue character like Meloetta and put her in a Rated M fanfic? Well, an author who calls himself Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus has answered that question. Does he really need such a long name? Oh well.

Now, this guy made a couple of rated M Meloetta Fanfics, so I say we check all of them out.

The first one is called _"Piplup And Meloetta's Quality Time." _Hmmm, Meloetta and Piplup. . .this is hinted in the actual anime, although I'm pretty sure Keldeo, weak as he is, is Meloetta's true love. Regardless, I assume this story will have an extended mating scene with creepy detail. Oh well, let's get it over with.

* * *

_**Piplup And Meloetta's Quality Time**_

_**By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**_

_Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: I have a feeling of goodness since I'm the first person to literally do this. I'm gonna relish this as much as I can. Enjoy! ...If you can. Hehehehe..._

* * *

_(Mewtwo looks on in disbelief)_

Wow. . .I mean. . .he already knows this story is going to be pleasant. He's like, "Good luck, sucker!" And he's all sadistic about it too.

* * *

_Piplup was having a great day. Clear blue skies, great green, grassy meadows. Nothing seemed to go wrong for the little water type penguin..._

_...Except when Aria Meloetta suddenly tackled him into the ground._

_"Agh! What is this?" Piplup exclaimed as he tried to break free._

_Meloetta giggled as she narrowed her eyes, smiling deviously. "Teeheehee... looks like I found me a new bastard to do me one!"_

* * *

What did she say?!

* * *

_Piplup screamed, until he stopped, eying Meloetta oddly. "Wait, what? You want me to (CENSORED)?"_

_Meloetta licked her lips. "Oh yeah..."_

_Piplup pushed Meloetta off of him, folding his flippers. "That's not a way to start a sex oriented fanfic. We have to have some depth, get into the mood, y'know?"_

_Meloetta wrapped her arms around the back of her head. "Oh come on, you cute little penguin. We don't need any fluff. This is just for the what the heck factor."_

_Piplup continued eying Meloetta. "I got a bad feeling about this." He closed his eyes as he lifted his head. "Besides, you wouldn't be interested in me. I'm gay."_

_Meloetta giggled as she covered her mouth with both of her paddlie shaped hands. "You know that I'm technically genderless, right? I can go either way!"_

_Piplup opened his right eye. "What do you mean..."_

_Meloetta licked her lips together. "It means, you won't be the one doing the ramming, penguin boy..." She then grunted as she closed her eyes, summoning a (CENSORED)_

* * *

Ughh!

_(Mewtwo shuddered and shook his head)_

Okay. . . this was chapter one of eight. . .

AND IT WAS FREAKIN' TERRIBLE!

OH MY FREAKIN' GOSH!

I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FANFIC, BUT I'LL TRY!

First of all, why are the characters aware that they're in a fanfic? Was it supposed to be a Fourth Wall Joke? Well you can't just have characters acknowledge that they're in a fanfic or book or tv show or movie and expect it to be funny! You have to build off of that, or do something clever with it! _Here's _how you do a fourth wall joke _right:_

* * *

_"Mew," he began, voice still stern, "why were you so scared of the movie? You said you've seen quite a lot of times…"_

_Mew blinked at his question, but nonetheless ceased her air ballet and floated closer to his face, her expression showing bewilderment as she muttered out her response. "That movie gets me all hyped up every single time I watch it." She grinned. "I mean, with the monster and suspenseful situations, it freaks me out all the same."_

_Arceus grunted. "But it's not real. How can you be scared of something that isn't real?"_

_At that moment, Mew frowned as if she had been offended, and she jabbed her paw forward right in front of his face, causing him to display a look of surprise. "Oh yeah?" she then reckoned, eyes narrowed. "Well what if the 'fictional' world that movie took place in was actually the REAL world – and the world we live; the world of Pokemon – is actually just" – she looked around the room as if to think up of an idea – "I don't know – a worldwide successful video game franchise! And it has its own movies and various merchandise, and fans of it even write their own stories involving Pokemon!" She suddenly gasped in fear, holding her face between her two paws. "What if what we're doing right now is just a story being written by an obsessive fan?!" She squeaked, biting her claws as she began to shake in immense fright._

_Arceus stared at her as if she was demented._

_Then his expression soon grew serious, and his stern voice came out with a scowling tone._

_"Mew, that is the most ridiculous theory I've ever heard."_

_Mew dropped her expression of fright, instead placing her paws on her hips in a scolding manner. "You don't know that!" she retorted._

* * *

That was from "Nine in the Afternoon" by Glory for Sleep! A _good _author! That's how you execute a good Fourth Wall Joke!

Second of all, _how is Piplup gay!_ Did this author even watch the anime! Piplup had a huge crush on Meloetta! Is this guy some kind of moron?!

And third of all, when a Legendary Pokémon is genderless, that doesn't mean they're both male and female at the same time! It either means that since there's only one of them it's as if they have no gender at all even though they technically do, or it means they can't reproduce at all!

And the worst part about this fanfic? Chapters two through seven are just short descriptions of sex. How is that enjoyable? People read this crap? Is this like porn or something? Look, there are mating scenes in _"The Legend of Spyro: Daybreak" _by Sight Pirate, but they're handled logically and spaced out and have the right amount of build up and handled in an adult manner.

Not only does this piece of garbage story have no build up, they actually address that in the story! Well guess what? That doesn't fix it! All you did was say "this fanfic is garbage with no plot whatsoever." What is so interesting about watching two characters mate in a disgusting manner?

One more thing, guess how chapter eight ends.

* * *

_Piplup and Meloetta were resting with each other on the smooth green grass as they watched the moon rise after the bright red sun set down. Looking at each other, the two Pokemon smiled as they glanced back at the starry night sky._

_"You know, Mel, we had a good (CENSORED) back then." Piplup commented as he rubbed the back of his head with his right flipper._

_Meloetta touched her paddle shaped hands together as she turned to Piplup. "Gosh, Pip, do you think so?"_

_Piplup nodded his head as he opened his eyes, turning to Meloetta. "Definitely! (CENSORED)! Why, I don't think I could imagine anything better!"_

_Meloetta giggled as she covered her mouth with her left hand. "Oh Pippy mah boi, you don't know..." She then whispered into Piplup's right ear. "We've been doing this for exactly a year now."_

_Piplup dropped his beak in disbelief as he was silenced, with Meloetta giggling as she clapped her hands together, the spring breeze passing by towards the west._

* * *

I don't even know what happened. Did they do this last year, or does this story span a whole year? Well, this story's garbage, so I don't care!

Now, I unfortunately have two more of these fanfics to talk about, so let's move on to the next one: _"Ash And Meloetta."_

Oh come on, shipping a human with a Pokémon? Did this guy sell his soul or something?

* * *

_**Ash And Meloetta**_

_Author: Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus _

___Ash and his friends end up in Undella to find an Aria Meloetta, only for her to fall in love with Ash! Things may get quite sticky, as Ash is about to find out... how officially a year old, but that doesn't matter GO READ LIFE AT PIZZA HUT INSTEAD, SERIOUSLY GUYS._

* * *

Oh come on! Now the author's telling us to read something else? It's like he's trying to write bad fanfiction! Is this some kind of cruel, sick joke?

* * *

_**Ash And Meloetta**_

_**Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**_

_Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: So yeah, knowing that Meloetta supposedly will be joining Ash and his group, I figured I might as well beat the Japanese to the punch. Not that it matters, since I already out did them in regards to fleshing Meloetta out. ...That soundes so wrong... anyway, here's an Ash x Meloetta fanfic. And now it's confirmed that Meloetta loves Ash. Way to go, Gamefreak. Expecting anything normal? Too bad._

* * *

Apparently, this fanfic was written before she came into the Anime. This is an Alternate Universe where Ash and Meloetta meet in a different manner.

Hold it. What do you mean it's confirmed that Meloetta loves Ash?

* * *

**Ash: **_You like me, Meloetta?_

**Meloetta: **_Meloetta!_

* * *

_(Mewtwo closes his eyes in frustration)_

Really? That scene from the Anime? That's it? They clearly meant _as friends_!

Nevermind, back to the fanfic.

* * *

_It was a fine day in Unova, with Ash and our friends heading to... Undella Bay. Yes, Undella Bay, the place of seaside happiness. Anyway, our heroes were heading there for a vacation, ya know in the bathroom._

_"This narrator is either weird or creepy," Cilan remarked as he looked up at the clear blue sky._

_Iris rolled her eyes, her arms folded. "Or Stupid. Or more likely all three."_

_Ash turned around, confused by the two gym leaders. "What the hell are you two talking about? Who's this narrator guy, huh?"_

* * *

Okay, why is the narrartor acting weird? Also, why can Iris and Cilan suddenly hear him? Again, Fourth Wall Jokes aren't easy! You have to set it up properly. You can't just have them randomly break the Fourth Wall, you have to make a joke out of it!

Alright, so the group suddenly runs into Meloetta, who just runs flies over to Ash and hugs him.

* * *

_The Meloetta giggled as it looked up at Ash. "You know I'm a girl, right?"_

_Ash's eyes popped out of his head as Cilan and Iris fell on their backs. Ash's jaw dropped to the ground. "You... can talk!"_

_Meloetta giggled as she stuck out her tongue. "Oh yes. And I want you, Ashy washy."_

_Pikachu covered his face with both of his paws._

* * *

So in chapter 2, Ash is freaked out, and convinces Pikachu to zap Meloetta off of him. Unfortunately, Meloetta recovers quickly.

* * *

_Iris giggled as she pointed at Ash. "Gee Ash, you sure do have an admirer!"_

_Ash groaned as he narrowed his eyes at Meloetta, folding his arms. "Against my will, might I add!"_

_Meloetta's stomach growled loudly, prompting Meloetta to gasp as she placed both of her hands on her stomach, slightly blushing. Ash chuckled, then his stomach growled too._

_Cilan laughed as he covered his mouth with his right hand. "Seems like both of you two are hungry."_

_Meloetta nodded as she kept rubbing her growling stomach. "I need yummy in my tummy."_

_Iris shuddered as she folded her arms together. "Ugh... so damn cute!"_

_Ash looked at Cilan. "Do you have anything special for us, Cilan?"_

_Cilan pulled out stuff from his green backpack, pulling out a carton of vanilla icing. "Well, I could make something sweet for us to-"_

_Meloetta squealed with delight as she stretched her arms out, reaching for the vanilla icing. "Oooh! Oooh! Vanilla icing, my favorite! Can I have it please?"_

_Cilan blinked in astonishment as he held the carton of icing. "Well, I-"_

_Meloetta started making cutesy faces, forming tears in her eyes as her lips trembled, whimpering._

_Cilan gawked, sheepishly chuckling as he handed Meloetta the carton of icing. "Well, okay, since you want it that much..."_

_Meloetta squealed with delight as she cuddled the carton, pulling off the purple lid and placing her right hand in, eating up the vanilla icing. She squealed with delight as she giggled, eating more of the vanilla icing._

_Ash blinked as he wrapped his arms around the back of his head. "Wow. Meloetta makes me look like I'm on a diet."_

_Pikachu, Iris, and Cilan all laughed as they watched Meloetta eat up the entire carton of vanilla icing._

* * *

_(Mewtwo blinked)_

That. . .actually wasn't too bad. . .

It was slightly funny. It was weird, but Meloetta using puppy dog eyes on Cilan is kinda funny.

Well then, what's in chapter three?

* * *

_Aria Meloetta was staring at Ash Ketchum, pink hearts in her eyes. She sighed heavenly as she held her paddle shaped hands together. Ash noticed, his right eye twitching as he inched closer to Cilan._

_"I don't know about this, guys. I had Pokemon fall in love with me before," Ash commented as he rubbed the back of his head with his right hand, "This just doesn't feel right."_

_Cilan patted Ash on the back, smiling casually. "Well, you just have to let Meloetta know that you're available already. It shouldn't be too hard."_

_Ash frowned as he looked down. "I don't know... I just can't bear to admit it..."_

* * *

WHAT? Ash wants Meloetta that way? Seriously?! Ash would not have a romantic attraction to a Pokémon! And that scene in the Anime was not romance! There was no romance between Ash and Meloetta in the Anime! Neither Game Freak nor Nintendo would put something like that in Pokémon!

* * *

_Pikachu moved his hands as he motioned his arms in front of Ash. "Pika pi, kachu ka pika chu chu pika..."_

_Ash nodded as he understood Pikachu. "Well, I guess you do have a point. Maybe I'll let her know slowly..." He sighed as he opened his eyes, turning to Meloetta. "Listen, Meloetta, I have to tell you something..."_

_Meloetta rushed over to Ash, unzipping his pants as she stuck out her red tongue. "Oh Ash, I knew you were warming up to me!" She squealed as she took off his underwear._

_Ash gawked as he flailed his arms about, his eyes very widened. Cilan and Iris looked at each other oddly in fright as Pikachu fell on his back, his left leg twitching._

* * *

WHAT THE HELL? WHAT IS THIS? POKEMON PORNO?

And in chapter four, Ash begs his friends to help him, and they do nothing! They literally just sit there and watch Ash getting raped! Oh my gosh, how long is this story?

* * *

_Chapters: 75_

* * *

SEVENTY-FIVE! SEVENTY-FIVE CHAPTERS! SOMEONE ACTUALLY WROTE 75 CHAPTERS OF THIS GARBAGE?!

And if the titles of these chapters are a sign of anything, then this whole story is probably full of lame jokes, awkward scenes, and gross sex. Half of the chapter titles are innuendos! So I'm not going to read this story! This was worse than the one with Piplup! Unbelievable! Unforgiveable!

_(Mewtwo sighed and face palmed.)_

_Finally! _The last one! _"Meloetta's Icing Fetish." _Wow! The author's not even trying to make these sound good anymore!

* * *

_**Meloetta's Icing Fetish**_

_**By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**_

_Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: I don't know if this is just me being insane as usual, or if someone requested it. Actually, I worte this on my own. Why? Because a certain bald guy from Warner Brothers and his craving for gwiwwed cheebs influenced me to make this... and Meloetta is just the Pokemon for this bizarre sex fanfic. Shows how desperate she is. Enjoy!_

* * *

First of all, why are you referencing that stupid "Grilled Cheese" song from the Looney Tunes Show?

Second, it's "Gwilled cheese!" Elmer Fudd has problems with his "R"s, that's it!

Oh yeah, and I should mention that he actually wrote a crossover with Elmer Fudd and Meloetta:

* * *

_**Meloetta and Elmer Fudd's Crazy Night**_

_Author: Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus _

___Rev up those grilled cheese and vanilla icing, cause I am sure hungry for another wacky pairing! Thanks to a white void, Meloetta gets sent into the Looney Tunes dimension, and then she and Elmer have one hell of a night..._

* * *

And guess what, even though that story was loaded with creepy, gross sex with food, it was rated T. What!? That should've been rated M like these three abominations!

But forget about the death of the Looney Tunes, let's go back to "_Meloetta's Icing Fetish."_

And to be honest, the story is basically just Meloetta going around, running into random Pokémon, looking for icing, and then putting that icing in places food isn't supposed to go.

THAT'S A STORY?!

WAS THIS AUTHOR ON SOMETHING WHIILE WRITING THIS?!

And guess how many chapters this story has.

25?

No.

50?

No.

74?

No.

100?

NO! THIS GARBAGE IS 111 CHAPTERS LONG!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

_(Mewtwo took out his giant spoon and began bludgeoning the computer, shouting angrily with rage. He pounded away at the computer until the monitor was cracked and the control panel was smashed in and in pieces. Mewtwo took a few deep breaths and dropped his spoon. He sat down and sighed.)_

This. . .Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus. . .he has no life. I mean, he's written 754 stories, and a lot of these stories have over 50 chapters! How does he have enough time to write these stories! He's clearly not in college, I can tell you that!

_(Mewtwo put a paw to his forehead and sighed. He put his paw down and looked sad.)_

Is this _really_ the extent of your imagination, Yoshizilla? I mean, you got Meloetta. _Meloetta. _The Legendary Pokémon that blows Jigglypuff off the face of the Earth. The Pokémon that can raise a lost city from the bottom of the ocean, and call forth the Kami Trio. And this is the filth you pump out.

In the Anime, Meloetta sings, and calms an army of angry Onyx.

In your fanfic, Meloetta puts icing all over her body. . .

. . .

In the Anime, Meloetta watches Piplup make fireworks in Pokémon Contest, and dances around him in mid air, laughing and smiling innocently.

Now, here's your version of Meloetta:

* * *

___Meloetta giggled as she narrowed her eyes, smiling deviously. "Teeheehee... looks like I found me a new bastard to do me one!"_

_Piplup screamed, until he stopped, eying Meloetta oddly. "Wait, what? You want me to (CENSORED)?"_

_Meloetta licked her lips. "Oh yeah..."_

_Piplup pushed Meloetta off of him, folding his flippers. "That's not a way to start a sex oriented fanfic. We have to have some depth, get into the mood, y'know?"_

_Meloetta wrapped her arms around the back of her head. "Oh come on, you cute little penguin. We don't need any fluff. This is just for the what the heck factor."_

* * *

PIPLUP GOT RAPED!

FREAKIN' RAPED!

MELOETTA RAPED HIM!

_**WHAT'S THE MATTER OF YOU!**_

Have you no respect, no understanding of this. . .source of heartwarming and joy? After all I've suffered in my early days, I'm beginning to embrace the simple things in this world that can bring smiles. But you. . .you. . .what is your _problem_ you. . .sucker of decency and good? What is going on in your evil perverted brain? Please, contact me! Let me know! Let me know what has caused you to take a character who is constantly shouted, "Put me in something Heartwarming! Put me in something Heartwarming!" and corrupt here worse than Shadow Lugia? Please, get in contact with me! Get in contact with-

_(Suddenly, with a flash of light, Mew and the real Meloetta teleported into the room)_

Ah-ha! The true Meloetta! Excellent!

"Big brother! Fix your computer! Hurry!" _Mew shouted._

What? Why?

"Please! Hurry!" _Meloetta shouted fearfully._

Look, what is going-?

_"DO IT!"_

_(Mewtwo narrowed his eyes and used his Psychic powers to move the broken computer parts out; and brought out a new monitor, keyboard, and PC and put them all in their proper place. The computer powered up, and Mew flew over and quickly typed into it. The screen went dark, and then the image of a giant lizard in black and white appeared. Mewtwo's eyes widened in shock.)_

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus!

_(The lizard author nodded and began speaking)_

_"Hi there, Pokémon fanbase. It's me, Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus.I know many of you didn't like my Meloetta fetish Fanfics. Well, I'm here to tell you that my power to destroy Pokémon characters is stronger than you could ever imagine. Not only can I make characters horny, but I can also take their attractive personalities away."_

_(Meloetta and Mew squeaked in fear. Mewtwo turned to Meloetta and Mew and shook his head.)_

He's bluffing. He has to be. No author's that insane and twisted.

_"And for those who don't think I'm that insane and twisted, just look what I did to Keldeo in "Keldeo And His Pancakes":_

* * *

"_Hello, Keldeo," Aria Meloetta introduced as she learned over the door, giggling._

_Keldeo sighed as he turned to face, replying to her in a monotone voice, "Hello, Meloetta."_

_Meloetta giggled as she glanced at the delicious pancakes, and then looked up at Keldeo, "I noticed that you were having some pretty yummy pancakes for breakfast today. Perhaps you want to share some with me, yes?"_

_Keldeo eyed suspiciously as he replied, "Actually, no. I was just going to have these... by myself... alone." Silence. "In my own comfort and privacy." Meloetta continued staring at him. Keldeo growled as he glared at her. "Without you here."_

_Meloetta frowned as she tilted her head to the right. "Ohhhh... don't be like that," She then entered into the house as she approached, attempting to seduce him, "Why, if it wasn't for little old me, you wouldn't be in this here house, now would you?"_

_Keldeo sighed as he glanced at the pancakes and then at Meloetta, replying to her as he shook his head, "Look, Meloetta, just please go. Make like a tree and get out of here." He waved his right front hoof as he continued shaking his head. "I don't have time to chat with you. I want to eat my fluffy pancakes."_

_Keldeo sighed of relief, happy that was gone as he shrugged, telling himself, "What a whacko... I can't believe I actually allowed her to lease me this house." He then shook his head as he waved his hoofs, reassuring himself, "But hey, it's the price I have to make for getting a place on my own." He then got out of his chair and went to get the maple syrup, coming back to the table, in his horror, to see the delicious, golden, fluffy pancakes missing. "What the!"_

_Keldeo panted rapidly as his eyes shrunk, looking around frantically as all of his limbs shook. "Where are they? Where are my pancakes?"_

_Purrlion looked oddly at Keldeo. "You're having a panic attack over pancakes?"_

_"NOT JUST ANY PANCAKES!" Keldeo exclaimed in Purrlion's face, knocking her back as he placed his front hooves on his face. "My prized pancakes... my fluffy, sweet flattened dough... missing!" He screamed as he fired a Water Pusle at the clear blue sky, shaking his entire body. "My wonderful breakfast is missing, and I have no idea where it has gone!"_

* * *

_(Meloetta screamed as Mew and Mewtwo gasped)_

"But- but Keldeo's a kindhearted , friendly, lovable, honorable Sword of Justice!" _Meloetta gasped._

"He's been turned into a grumpy jerk that freaks out like a lunatic!" _Mew said in terror._

_"I plan to use this power to destroy various franchises. In fact, at this very moment, I'm gaining influence on the DKVine."_

_(The trio of Pokémon gasped in shock)_

But. . ._Donkey Kong Country_: _Tropical Freeze_ is coming out soon. It's going to be a fresh start and it's going to reintroduce Dixie Kong to a new audience. . .oh no. . .he's going to corrupt Dixie. . .

_"Rest assured, I have written many horrible Donkey Kong Country Fanfics already, and I know the new game will give me much more to work with regarding Dixie Kong. And for a certain Angry Clone who might be listening, I have only this to say. . ."_

_(A strange yellow warp portal popped up underneath Yoshizilla, who fell through it. The exit of the yellow warp happened to be in Mewtwo's room. The lizard fell out of the warp and faced Mewtwo.)_

_"You're next."_

"Eep!" _Meloetta screamed and hid behind Mewtwo._

Meloetta, sing your song! You can do it! I believe in you!

_(Meloetta nodded and closed her eyes. She began singing her peaceful song. Yoshizilla stopped momentarily and listened to the music, but then shook his head, laughed, and walked forwards.)_

What!? It isn't working!

_(Mew gulped and shuddered)_

"It's no use! He cares nothing for the logic of Pokémon Cannon!" _Mew said in fear._

_(Meloetta opened her eyes and gasped when she saw Yoshizilla approaching)_

"Well, do something!" _Mew shouted._

_(Mewtwo through Aura Spheres and Shadow Balls at Yoshizilla. They exploded on contact, but they had no effect and he continued to walk forward. Mewtwo braced himself, readying himself for a difficult, and perhaps even hopeless, fight as the lizard walked closer, closer, closer-)_

_**"Angry Rated M Clone. . ." **said a singsong voice._

* * *

_Time stopped all around Mewtwo as Keldeo the Critic appeared before him, smiling slyly._

**_"I realize this moment may not be the most convenient for a 'heart-to-heart', but I had to wait until your..." _**_Keldeo motioned to Yoshizilla,_**_ "'friend' was otherwise occupied. Hm."_**

_Mewtwo and Keldeo were soon surrounded by darkness._

**_ "There was a time when I was in your place, Angry Rated M Clone... The pain I faced took the form of a Toadette Girl from 2012 writing Misty as a complete monster."_**

_The world flashed white, and now the pair of critics were standing in the shallow water Keldeo the Critic's reviewing spot._

**_ "When I began reviewing FanFcition, I acted in the face of objections that criticizing bad Fanfics is no practical use to anyone. I have learned to Pokemon like them when... making them shut up... was out of the question."_**

_Keldeo smiled nervously._

**_ "They are my masters, after all."_**

_The world flashed white again, and now they were standing in the destroyed Team Galactic Lab where Alpha was created in "Breaking the Chains" by AuraWielder._

**_"Still, I'm not going to exaggerate the value of my reviews.. although I remain confident they were all worth far more than the initial... appraisal."_**

_The world flashed white yet again, and now they were nearby Verity Lake from "Summer Part 1 Attempt 1" by FictionaryMan03895. As Keldeo stood in front of Mewtwo, another Keldeo stood with his back to them, staring at his reflection in the lake._

**_"But in the end, cannon is cannon, and fannon is fannon. That is the answer, Angry Rated M Clone. But I'm sure in exchange for my help, you'll agree to a small repayment owed for your own survival."_**

_The Keldeo in front of him vanished, and the one by the lake turned around to face Mewtwo._

**_ "See the therapist FictionaryMan has for you, Angry Rated M Clone. I wish I could do more than just watch you, but I have agreed to take part in a certain... crossover. Mmm."_**

_There was another flash of light, and know Keldeo is standing over Ryan the Lucario, who is apparently lying on his back while floating in mid air._

**_"Well... now... listen carefully, my friend. When you see your human brother, relay these words:"_**

_Keldeo leaned in close to Ryan's ears and whispered._

**_ "Join the herd. . ."_**

_Ryan's eyes snapped open just as a final flash of light completely blinded Mewtwo_

* * *

_(Mewtwo came to his senses just as Yoshizilla was a few feet from him)_

I've figured it out! That's the answer!

"What is it?" _Meloetta gasped._

_(Mewtwo cracked a rare smile and said)_

Do nothing.

_(Everyone stared at him)_

"Say what?" _Mew asked._

The characters were never in any danger to begin with! Sure, Yoshizilla's Fanfics are awful, sick, and gross. But what we're all missing is that fannon is fannon, but _cannon is cannon. _These characters: Keldeo, Meloetta, Ash, Pikachu, Misty, all of them! They're timeless characters! And nothing anyone can do; whether it be a fanfic, a comic, or a fan animation; can change that. If anything, bad adaptations like this make us appreciate the actual characters even more. So people like Yoshizilla-Rhedozaurus or even Toadettegirl2012 can do whatever they want in their Fanfiction. Because no matter what, nothing can take away from what's already perfect.

_(Mew and Meloetta stared at Mewtwo, amazed at what he just said.)_

"Well, that's great, big brother. . ." _Mew said slowly._

"But what about. . ." _Meloetta said as she pointed at Yoshizilla._

_(Mewtwo turned to the lizard and nodded.)_

Oh yes. . .hmm. . .how would the Anime take care of something like this. . .hmm. . .

. . .

. . .

Blast of again!

_(There was a flash, and Ash and Pikachu teleported into the room)_

"Ash! Pikachu!" _Mew and Meloetta cheered._

_"Wait," Yoshizilla asked, "Are you the cannon well meaning but underdog Ash or the fanon completely idiotic Ash?'_

_(Ash shrugged and smiled)_

"Pikachu! Thunderbolt him!"

Pikachu hit Yoshizilla with a Thunderbolt, and the resulting explosion sent him blasting off into the distance.

"Wait, I though the only humans Ash has Pikachu attack were Jessie and James?" _Mew said in confusion._

_(Ash shrugged again)_

"It doesn't really matter. . ."

_(Mewtwo nodded)_

Yes, I know what he's saying. Don't get to offended at any changes made in fanworks as long as you have the original to enjoy. Correct?

_(Ash nodded and gave a thumbs up)_

"You got it!"

"Pika-pikachu!"

_(And with that, Ash and Pikachu teleported away.)_

Well, I guess the best way to deal with awful fan fiction is just to realize that it's just fan fiction, and just kick it aside like the garbage it is.

_(Mew and Meloetta laughed and flew to opposite sides of Mewtwo, who folded his arms and declared:)_

Enjoy loving your incredible Anime and enjoyable Fanfics while you leave the bad Fanfics behind.

_(The three of them stood happy and proud. But then Mewtwo looked concerned. He turned to Meloetta.)_

You haven't read those rated M Fanfics, have you?

"Nope!" _Meloetta said with a smile._

Oh, thank goodness. . .

* * *

**THE END**

Performed by Mewtwo

**_Credits_**

_The Last Airbender- Nostalgia Critic_

_Nine in the Afternoon _by Glory For Sleep

_Breaking the Chains _by AuraWielder

_A Different Kind of Princess _by Toadettegirl2012

_Summer Story Part 1 Attempt 1 _by FictionaryMan03895

_Half-Life 2: Episode 2_

_My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

_DKVine . com_

_Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze_

**Special Thanks**

Digi Brony After Dark for inspiration to do a Mature version of review

BenTheLooney

* * *

_**These Fanfics are really bad and gross. Why would anyone make a cure innocent character like Meloetta into a horny rapist? That's just foul. Ignore these fanfics and just watch the anime episodes that have her in them.**_

_**(This was a parody of The Angry Video Game Nerd on Cinemassacre and The Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	9. Pokemon Black and Blue

_**WARNING: The game being reviewed contains images of blood and representations of drunks, psychopaths, and sociopaths. The images are disgusting and disturbing and can cause nightmares.**_

* * *

Mewtwo powered up his computer and logged onto the internet.

_**He's gonna play a Pokemon game**_

Mewtwo cracked his knuckles and sat down in front of the computer.

**_That almost caused him to go insane._**

Mew, while playing a guitar, quickly flew right behind Mewtwo, who was busy looking at the computer screen in front of him.

**_He'd rather have. . ._**

**_A Bouffallant. . ._**

**_Take a diarrhea dump in his ear._**

Mewtwo shouted in rage as he held an Aura Sphere in one hand and a Shadow Ball in the other.

**_He'd rather lick. . ._**

**_The black and white tail. . ._**

**_Of an old Skunktank that's drunk off of beer._**

Mewtwo charged up his giant spoon and fired a Psywave.

**_He's the angriest gamer ever known_**

**_He's the angry bloody game Clone_**

Mewtwo chased Mew around as he tried to get back the bottle of Moo Moo Mlik.

**_He's the angry disturbing image Clone_**

**_He's The Angry Internet Game Clone_**

Mewtwo roared with rage at the computer screen.

**The Angry Rated M Clone- Pokemon Black and Blue: Gotta Free 'Em All by PETA**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

_(Mewtwo has his face buried in his paws. He sighs and looks up. He's looks visibly pissed off. He seems inches away from snapping.)_

Hello. . .I've decided to review a certain game. Keldeo thought about reviewing it for a YouTube channel, but he decided against going on YouTube. Also, the content of this game is a little too. . .strong for Keldeo. . .it floats more into the high "T's" and low "M" range. He decided against reviewing it, so the ball fell in my court, so to speak. It actually made sense for me to review this Internet Flash Game. After all, I _am_ a parody of _The_ _Angry Video Game Nerd. _So I had no problem going along with this.

Let me tell you. . .that it was one of the worst experiences I have ever gone through.

I've never been so angry at one thing before. This certain thing has filled me with such _anger_, that it literally almost caused me to go _mentally insane._ It is so bad, that I would rather cause physical harm to myself than go through it again. What has me wanting to shove my tail in a pencil sharpener and then dipping it in salt water? It is, of course, _Pokemon Black and Blue: Gotta Free 'Em All. _It's a Flash Game parody of _Pokemon Black 2 White 2 _by PETA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. PETA believes that Pokemon supports animal abuse because Pokemon are trained to fight each other.

Of all people, I should know that there's nothing wrong with making a parody of something. I thought this would be funny. I though wrong.

Well, if I had to go through with this, _I'm taking you with me! _Computer, go to Peta dot org!

So we get to the title screen, and _right away _we see what a load of vomit this game is gonna be. On the left, we see Pikachu wearing an iron collar, bandaged up, and holding a sign that says "I support Team Plasma." On the right, we see your nightmares for the rest of the year. It's professor Juniper holding a syringe and smiling like a serial killer.

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW INSULTING THIS IS!

First of all, Team Plasma never cared about Pokemon, they just wanted to take everyone's Pokemon away so they could take over Unova. This means that PETA never even played the fist Black and White games!

Second, why the heck is Pikachu wearing a collar? Pokemon don't wear collars!

Thrid, are they trying to say that Professor Juniper experiments on Pokemon and hurts them? No! Professor Juniper was one of the _protagonists _who researches Pokemon! She doesn't harm them. Also, since when did she have an afro?

And fourth, WHY THE HELL IS THERE BLOOD!? There's no blood in Pokemon! Idiotic PETA!

Okay, so after we get past those two horrible images, we can finally start the horrible piece of trash Flash Game that was probably made in 12 hours. We get some backstory that humans kept mistreating Pokemon and started bullying each other as well. Remember that plot point, _because it's never mentioned again!_

So the game starts with Pikachu fighting Cheren, who's drunk.

_(Mewtwo raised his spoon in anger, but then growled and put it back down.)_

Okay, since when was Cheren an alcoholic?

So, the object of the game is to attack the humans. That's it. You have normal Pokemon attacks, but you also have PETA-Type status effect moves like Protest, Tofu Shake-up, and Group Hug.

_(Mewtwo massaged his temples)_

Oh my _gosh._ You know what? This game actually made me feel like I was on some kind of drug, it was so insane. Either that or a very bad dream. I can't believe I said that, but it's the truth. Sadly.

So, you beat up Cheren, and guess what? _Pikachu talks._

_(Mewtwo growled and hung his head low and shook it)_

Wow. . .

You know PETA?

You're a bunch of idiots.

I mean, if you're going to attack something, you have to do research on it, or else you just look like a bunch of retards!

So, Pikachu convinces Cheren to give his Tepig a chance to choose to be free or not, and Tepig chooses freedom.

So Pikachu and Tepig go walking- _WHAT THE- HOLY- What am I looking at?_

The bushes are covered in thick blood, there are tree stumps all over, and you see an occasional bear trap.

Okay, what was PETA thinking when they designed this game? This is like. . .I can't even describe it! And how are these bushes just covered in blood. Does that make any sense?

So, Nurse Joy comes over and says she's tired of Pokemon battles injuring so many Pokemon, and gives them a video of a bunch of animals being abused. Quiet frankly, I was too pissed off at PETA to care. So the _talking_ Pokemon decide to play the video for everyone to see to make people stop mistreating Pokemon.

So they walk along, and they see the Mr. Hyde version of Professor Juniper, who says she experiments on Pokemon because humans are more important.

One problem: PROFESSOR JUNIPER DOESN'T EXPERIMENT ON POKEMON! Like I said, do research or else you look incompetent.

So they beat her and rescue her Snivy, who has a syringe sticking out of her head. Wow, that's nice.

So we get a desktop background that has Pikachu and all the Unova starters covered in blood, skinned, and really messed up.

Alright, PETA is a cult of psychos. Who in their right mind would want something so hideous as _that _on their desktop? You want to look at a skinned Oshawott every time you turn your computer on? Sure, everyone hates him, but I don't want to see him skinned! No one does, unless you're criminally insane or something. Oh my gosh, I hate this game! I HATE THIS GAME!

_(Mewtwo raised his spoon again, but then stopped himself before he hit the computer. He growled louder and threw the spoon behind him.)_

So then we meet Ghetsis. Wow! I'm impressed! An actual villain! Well, the Pokemon are confused because they though Team Plasma wanted to help Pokemon. Ghetsis literally says that was all a lie and that it was the big twist ending at the end of Black and White. Wow, PETA just spoiled the ending for all the people who haven't played Black and White. Great job, PETA. When you do something bad, you go all the way.

Anyway, Ghetsis says he's going to sell Pokemon meat and turn their hides into clothes.

_(Mewtwo face palmed)_

Wow. . . wow. . .

When has everyone ever eaten or worn a Pokemon in the games or the Anime?

So, we beat Ghetsis, the only real villain in this game, but he's ruined because he's given such a retarted plan. How do you go from "take over Unova" to "turn Pokemon into food and clothing"?

So we get the skinned Oshawott and then we get some bloody Pokemon cards. Great.

Then we meet the final boss. Ash Ketchu-

_(Mewtwo did a huge spit take of Moo Moo Milk onto the computer screen.)_

**_WHAAAAAAAAAA-?_**

Ash Ketchum. . .the Chosen One. . .the one who loves Pokemon with all his heart. . .the one who has foiled every villainous Team. . .the one who showed me that not all humans are evil and that Pokemon can be happy with Trainers. . .is the villain. . .

_(Mewtwo sits down in his chair and closes his eyes. He is trembling. He slowly opens his eyes.)_

There is a group of. . .hackers. . .named _Anonymous. _Their mascot is Guy Fawkes. _Anonymous. . ._needs to remove this game from the internet. . .actually, they should remove all of PETA's web pages from the internet. They really should.

So, Ash says he never really cared about Pikachu, that he never expressed care for him, and was just in it for the money.

I mean. . .wow. . .PETA is. . .I mean. . .a Psyduck has more brain activity than them! Sure, this game was before that scene with Ash, Pikachu, and Colress' Pokemon Control Device in the Anime, but what about _Pikachu's Goodbye_? What about all those hundreds of times he risked his life to save him from Team Rocket? How about _any_ episode! I mean. . .did PETA do any research at all? Do they have any idea how the Pokemon World works?

WATCH! THE FREAKIN'! SHOW!

Also, Ash is dressed up as a circus ringmaster and his holding a bull hook. Yeah, remember that outfit from the Anime? Remember when he hit all of his Pokemon with a bull hook? No? Well that's good, BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENED!

So we beat Ash, and he says he's gonna change his ways and create an organization to help Pokemon get ethical treatment. The end.

_(Mewtwo grabbed his spoon, charged up power, and hit the computer, obliterating it. He took a heavy breath and spoke)_

This game is crusty, bubbling, green puss coming out of a Koffing's holes! It's green, slimy vomit coming out of a Trubbish's mouth and nose! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

_(Mewtwo sighed and shook his head slowly)_

My gosh. . .I'm convinced. . .PETA hates Nintendo. This is the third times they've attacked Nintendo. First they went after Cooking Mama because she cooks meat. Then they went after Mario because he wears a fur Tanooki Suit. And now they went after Pokemon. A series about _friendship _between Pokemon and Trainer and fighting _against_ evil forces who want to abuse Pokemon. In Pokemon, the people who abuse them are put in a negative light and are either set straight, changed, defeated, arrested, or sometimes even killed. There's no way PETA could really be this stupid. They have to be aware that Pokemon is _not _cruelty to animals. Pokemon are not animals! Pokemon _want _to fight! Why do you think there are **FIGHTING**-Type Pokemon? Therefore, PETA just wants to try and tear down Nintendo. Which is stupid, because people got angry at PETA every time they tried one of these sick stunts. How is making a Flash Game with blood as its main theme accomplishing everything. It doesn't make Nintendo look bad. It makes you look bad, you psychos!

And ignoring all that, you do realize how horrible this game looks, right? The Pokemon are all bloody and torn up, the humans have blood stains on them and are torn up as well for some reason, the entire world looks insane, the characters don't act like they should, and it make you feel like you're either on drugs or having a bad dream. And after you play it, you _will __start_ having bad dreams!

What if a little kid found it and saw all of those bloody images and scary characters? They'd be scared for life! Imagine a kid who loves Pikachu or Oshawott seeing them all chained up, bloody, and skinned? Does that sound acceptable to you? I mean. . .gah. ..grr. . .

_(Mewtwo's mouth flapped up and down, but now words came out. He waved his arms angrily, and then fired Shadow Balls at the wreckages of the destroyed computer. His mouth continuing flapping up and down, then his voice returned)_

ARRRGH! I'm so pissed off I can't even talk! Darn it! Curse this game! I'd rather get punched in the face by Lucario while getting my back scratched by Zoroark's claws while having my tail bitten by Zorua and Riolu while getting slashed across the chest by Keldeo's Secret Sword than play this game again!

And you know what really gets me mad? PETA doesn't even help animals! They don't use they're money to help animals! They keep it for themselves! PETA's a fraud! They're a fake, phony, cult that just wants to tell everyone else what to do!

That's why if you wan to help animals, go to the ASPCA! That's a _real_ organization! But PETA! I hope that company goes bankrupt and never comes back! EVER!

Curse you PETA! Curse all of your members to the Reverse World! And don't you dare attack Nintendo again!

_(Mewtwo got up and angrily stormed away)_

* * *

**THE END**

Performed by Mewtwo

**_Credits_**

_ASPCA- _American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

_AVGN- Dragon's Lair_

_AVGN- Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure_

_Ben Rants- The Looney Tunes Show_

**Special Thanks**

Digi Brony After Dark for inspiration to do a Mature version of review

BenTheLooney

* * *

_**This game is disgusting. It might actually mentally scar you/give you nightmares. PETA is sick and hypocritical. Don't support PETA,! Support the ASPCA, a real company that prevents animal cruelty. **_

_**(This was a parody of The Angry Video Game Nerd on Cinemassacre and The Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	10. AxelTheArcanine- Part 1

**_WARNING: The stories being reviewed contain Bestiality._**

* * *

Mewtwo glared hatefully at the computer, his fists clenching as tightly as possible.

**_He's gonna review Pokemon fics_**

Mewtwo jammed his fists into the monitor.

**_He hopes these stories won't make him sick_**

Mew, playing a guitar and singing, then quickly flew right behind Mewtwo, who was busy looking at the computer screen in front of him.

**_He'd rather have. . ._**

**_A Bouffallant. . ._**

**_Use Horn Attack in both his ears._**

Mewtwo actually began banging his head on the keyboard.

**_He'd rather eat. . ._**

**_A rotten Poffin. . ._**

**_That was thrown in a dirty dumpster last year._**

Mewtwo grabbed an empty Moo Moo Milk bottle and whacked the computer with it.

**_He's the angriest critic ever known_**

**_He's the angry Mature themed Clone_**

Mewtow raised his giant spoon and shouted.

**_He's the angry M/AO Clone_**

**_He's The Angry Rated M Clone_**

**The Angry Rated M Clone- AxelTheArcanine's Bestiality Fan Fics**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

_(Mewtwo sat in his chair lost in thought. He stroked his chin a few times, then he said)_

I have a question for you. Which would you rather marry and have children with, a good looking person who knows how to kiss you and hold you and can work to support your future family. . . .or a cat or a dog or some other animal?

If you chose the animal, _go away. . .now. . .before I slap you._

For those of us with brains, I have another question. How is bestiality a thing? Why does it exist? I mean, that sounds like something only the mentally ill would desire I can't even comprehend how something like that caught on.

Well, maybe if I read some Fanfiction that revolves around that topic, I just might understand what's going in the head of these. . . _deviants. _So, today I am going to review 4 short stories written by a bestiality author who calls himself AxelTheArcanine. Well then, it's time to see what it's all about. Let's do some research!

* * *

_**Star and her Trainier**_

_Author: AxelTheArcanine_

___This is a small one shot i made in like 30 mins. It is about A trainier and his Arcanine and things get hot for them both ;) Rated M for lemons. pokephilia. HumanxPokemon_

* * *

Oh boy, we're in trouble. It took you 30 minutes? That's it? Well, one shots are short, so maybe you could write a descent one in half an hour, but still. . .

Well, believe it or not, this isn't a self insert story. Instead of Axel, the Arcanine in this story is a female named Star, hench the title, _Star and her Trainer, _oh excuse me, _Trainier. _You can't even spell Trainer correctly? Give me a break.

So Star and her nameless trainer are out camping.

* * *

___"I have your favorite berries." i said with a handful of razz berries. The face she gave me was that of a child after seeing a mound of ice cream. "Eat up girl, tomorrow he have a big day. We have our battle against the champion iris and i only brought you because you are really strong compared to the other pokemon i have._

* * *

_(Mewtwo has a deadpan expression)_

Really? You're fighting _The Champion _and you're only bringing one Pokemon? I can't even _begin _to describe how stupid that is! You can't beat The Champion with only one Pokemon. I don't care if it's level 100, you can't win with only one! You need a team! Use your mind! Oh what, you believe in bestiality, so you're mentally ill. I almost forgot about that.

* * *

_After about 2 hours it got very dark so i looked at my watch and it showed 11:40pm._

_"Man its late... ok arcanine im going to sleep dont be out here too long." i said as i went into the tent. About 30 minutes later Star came into the tent and lied down, her face facing mine. I reached my hand out and slowly rubbed on her left cheek. "Arcanine i remember when i first got you._

Flashback

_About 4 years ago when i was 14 i was training with my only pokemon swampert._

* * *

Wait, the flashback is all centered? Why?

And something else I've noticed. Nearly every pronoun I is written as lowercase i. Why the heck is that? How do you mess up on something so simple? So commonly known? Maybe I was right and the people who follow bestiality really _are_ mentally impaired. . .

* * *

_"Oh a growlithe and its shiny." i said in amazement. Just than i noticed something wrong with it. I ran over to the injuried pokemon_

_and noticed it has cuts and bruises on it._

_"These look old, maybe from a previous battle." i said. I reached into my trainiers bad and pulled out a max potion. I reached_

_down to pick up the injured growlithe. Out of pure shock the little growlithe bit me._

_"its ok im not here to hurt you... i want to heal your wounds to make you feel better. WOuld you let me help you?"_

_She than looked at my swampert and started to cry. "Swampert mind going into your pokemon while i heal her?_

_"Swamp" my swampert said as he shook his head and disappeared into his ball._

* * *

Wow, this part has some really bad grammar and spelling. And did the author type "pokemon" instead of "Pokeball"? Seriously?

So the nameless trainer takes her to a Pokemon Center to be healed, and she decides that she likes this human and wants to be a part of his Pokemon team.

* * *

_"Well..." i said as i looked at the growlithe. "well how about you come with me and my swampert? I'll protect you and we will be good friends."_

_The growlithe looked at me than my swampert than back at me._

_"GROWLITHE!" she barked out in excitement._

_"I take that as a yes." Nurse Joy said._

_"I will name you Star because of the star shaped scar on your forehead._

_As i was about to leave nurse Joy stopped me to tell me something._

_"Oh Ace, before you leave i wanted to give you these." she sad as she handed me a bottle with blue pills in it._

_"What are these?" I asked._

_"Well with female pokemon they tend to go into heat." she said._

_Thanks to my good grades and excellent attention i knew what she was talking about._

_"Give her these pills when she goes into heat and you will be fine" she assured._

_"Well ok thanks and later." i said leaving the pokemon center._

End flashback.

* * *

_(Mewtwo just stares at the screen in disbelief)_

What the heck am I reading? Since when in the Anime, Manga, or games have female Pokemon been shown to need pills in order to control their mating desires? I find this story insulting. Is it trying to say that all female Pokemon are horny? What a load of Trubbish spit!

* * *

_I looked at my arcanine than remembered that she might be in heat. I turned to face the other way where my bag was and noticed that the bottle was gone._

_"Aww crap i must have dropped them getting the berries." i said. As i turned back to face my arcanine i was greeted with a big wet lick. "Eww Star." i said wiping my face off. As i looked at my arcanine i had this weird sensation come over me. "Whats going on... why am i having thoughts about my pokemon... why is this happening." i said stuck in a trance like state. I went back to rub my arcanines cheek again but this time i rubbed her from her cheek down to her fluffy ass._

_"Arc." she moaned._

* * *

Wait a minute! Wha-WHAT? What's going on? Why is the trainer turning into a Pokemon Pervert?

* * *

_"What is going on? Why cant i control myself? Was it because of that lick?" So many thoughts raced trough my mind. I than moved my face closer to hers and planted a big kiss on hers. I felt her kiss back than i felt her thick dog-like tongue pressing against my lips. Having no control over my movement i allowed her in my mouth. Her mouth tasted like the razz berries she ate for dinner. She than removed her lips and tongue from mines and sat up. With me still unable to move myself, she rolled me over on my back._

_"Nine." she yelped._

* * *

THIS! MAKES! NO! SENSE!

THERE! WAS! NO! BUILDUP!

I'm sorry, but how does the trainer suddenly become a follower of bestiality out of nowhere like that? He's been training Star for a long time, and he apparently cared for her the same way Ash cares for Pikachu, but all of a sudden, he turns into a lunatic like this? Because of a lick? What a load of solid waste. Yeah, the kind you find in toilets.

Well, I can't review the rest of it because the rest of it is a sex scene!

* * *

_I looked back at her nearly fainted face and seen that i have actually has sex with my own pokemon._

_"Star i don't know what just happened to it was great and i love you and always will." i said as we both faint from exhaustion. As i feel asleep i could have sworn i heard a female voice say "I love you too my love."_

_Well its been a while since i last put up a story but reviews will be great. ;)_

* * *

I wish this was endearing, but it's not- IT'S DISGUSTING! OH MY GOSH, WHAT WAS HE THINKING WHEN HE WROTE THIS FILTH!

We didn't even see how their relationship was like before this. Was Star ever put in a Pokeball? Did they ever save each other from danger? Did they always sleep side by side? What did they do whenever they lost or won a battle? This story had nothing in it! It's like finding an item, picking it up, opening it, and finding it empty- NO! It's more like opening it, and it turns out its full of rotten fruit and moldy cheese with maggots crawling in it.

And you know what, I liked the idea of a trainer finding an injured Pokemon, and they become friends, and they bond with each other. You know who did this right? SukottoDeragon. _Kevin and Buizel _had good characters, it told us their _entire _backstory, it showed the steps they went through to become such close friends and bond so closely, and best of all there _was no smut!_

Oh my gosh, this is only the first one shot and I'm already pissed off! Darn, this is going to suck!

* * *

_**Silver and her Tainier**_

_Author: AxelTheArcanine PM_

___This is story #2 i did. took 30mins to make. This one is about Silver the mightyena and her trainer Ace as secrets and told and love is made. Rated M for language and lemons. pokephilia. HumanxPokemon Enjoy._

* * *

We don't need to know how long it took for you to write your pieces of crud!

Well, this story is a sequel to the previous one, and the trainer is given a name this time around. His name is Ace, apparently.

* * *

_6 months after i beat Iris and gained the Title of "Unova's Champion" I haven't been able to get a break for myself. As the months went one i caught and trained new pokemon, with of course Star being my favorite and strongest. So i decided to take my mightyena named Silver a go for a short trip._

_"Silver would you like to go on a vacation trip with me?" i asked._

_My mitghyena looked at me for a quick second before letting out a happy bark and sharking her head._

_"Okay than let me pack some things than we can go." i said as i was stuffing a backpack full of camping goods. "I definitely can't forget these." I said holding a bottle full of blue pills. "Im putting these in a safe spot so i dont lose them... i dont want another accident like with star."_

* * *

Oh my gosh, if you're going to make something up for the Pokemon universe, _don't make up something stupid and insulting!_

Oh, and apparently Star beat all 6 of Iris' Pokemon by herself. Yeah, it's like _"Hey, Black and White fans! Iris sucks!" _

So Ace and Silver go into the forest, I guess, and something goes wrong.

* * *

_"Okay time to get some firewood for the campfire." i said. As i turned around i noticed a black shadow walking out of brush. This shadow looked all to familiar._

_"SILVER!" i said running to my pokemon. She looked beaten up, like she was attacked by something._

_"Silver dont worry im here..." i said reaching into my bag and taking out a mega potion. "Okay Silver stay here im going to go find some oran berries, i'll be right back." i said running from the tent into the woods. After 10 mintues of running through prickly thorns and deep holes, i finally found some oran berries._

_"Ok ill grab a handful of these and give them to Silver and let her rest alot." I said to myself. "Still... i wonder what attacked her."_

_As i turned around i seen some red flash from the corner of my eye. As i looked to my right i noticed two angry looking zangoose staring at me._

_"Oh crap, i must be in zangoose territory." i said to myself. "But why are they here? i never seen zangoose this close to my camp site..."_

_As i stood up one of the zangoose charged at me with a quick attack knocking my flat on my bottom._

_"Ouch!" I groaned in pain._

_As i got to my knees the other zangoose had its claws to my throat oozing a purple liquid from them. Out of pure fear i fell back on my bottom. This was the first time i felt scared in a very very long time. (I'll get to that in the next sequel)_

* * *

I hate it when they put author's notes in the middle of the story.

* * *

_"Not good that looks like poison jab, and i dont have any other pokemon to help me..." i said thinking that this might be th elast time i ever see Silver or any of my pokemon._

_From the left of me i heard rustling coming from the bushes and out jumped my already weaken mightyena._

_"Mightyena becareful... you are not at fully recovered." i said looking at her and the zangoose in front of her._

_She than turned to me and gave me a look. A look that will change everything._

_"Silver whats wron..." I suddenly felt sleepy. "Silver what are u doing? Don't use hypnosis on me." i said falling over the my right side. Silver than looked at me shook her head than i heard fighting before blacking out._

* * *

So while Ace is sleeping, Silver defeats the Zangoose . . .how? Wasn't she wounded? I don't get it? Anyway, Silver brings Ace to safety. When Ace comes to, his chest is all bandaged up. . .how?

* * *

_ When i woke back up i was in tent half naked no shirt, pants shoes are me in my underpants. Suddenly Silver walked into the tent with a surprised look. She knew she was trouble for using hypnosis on me but i can never stay mad at my pokemon._

_"Silver come here... you know im not mad at you right?" i said opening my arms._

_Instead of Silver walking to me she stayed in front of the tent looking at me with great concern._

_"Silver whats the matter is there something on my..." I said before i looked at my chest._

_"Oh my god... wha..what happened." i said looking at my bandaged chest. I looked at silver than back at my chest than back at silver._

_"What the hell happened Silver?" i said confused._

_"Yena..." she said quietly._

_"Man i wish i can understand what she just said..." i thought to myself._

_"Thats because you never asked for me to talk." I feminine voice said in my head._

* * *

_(Mewtwo spat out the Moo Moo Milk he was drinking.)_

WHAT?! Telepathy? Seriously?

* * *

_I looked around my tent to see where that voice was coming from._

_"What the... who said that?" i said confused._

_"Who else Master?" the voice said again._

_I looked at silver with the worlds most confused face._

_"Silver was that you?"_

_"Yes master it was me. You never asked fr me to talk to i kept to myself and only talked in my poke-language." she said walking towards me._

_I was stunned shocked confused ready to pass back out when i found out that my pokemon was talking to me._

_"Master dont look so confused. All the pokemon in the world can talk but to those who can fully love and care for their pokemon. We can only talk telepathically. Oh and by the way im not the only one of your pokemon who can talk."_

_"Who else can talk other than you?"_

_"Well there's me and Star, than there's..."_

_"Wait wait Stay can talk too?" i asked._

_"Yes she can."_

_"Did she say anything about me?"_

_"Other than that you are a great trainer no not really"_

* * *

_(Mewtwo faced palmed)_

You're kidding me. You are literally kidding me. If this were true, Ash and Pikachu would've been talking years ago! Or maybe it's because Ash never asked Pikachu to talk? Wow. . .this is ridiculous.

* * *

_Well what happened to my?" i asked._

_"Well... while you were under my hypnosis one of the zangoose... used slash on your chest. It was hard but i bandaged you up the best way i could."_

* * *

_(Mewtwo blinked and motioned to the screen in confusion)_

How the heck did she bandage him with paws- NEVER MIND!

* * *

_Silver are you okay?"_

_"Yes im fine" she said quickly._

_"No there's something wrong... whats wrong?" i asked again._

_"Well... im in heat and when i seen the zangoose today i asked them to mate with me and...well... they tried to rape me.." she got quiet._

_"Wait what do you mean try to rape you?"_

_"They tried to rape me and they beat me up... but i managed to fight back and escape.."_

* * *

Wait! You said you _asked _them to mate with you! So how was it rape? If they just grabbed you and tried to mate with you out of nowhere, that would be rape, BUT YOU ASKED THEM TO DO IT! Was this a mistake by the author or something, because I really can't comprehend what's going on.

* * *

_"Don;t worry master.. they wont be any more of a problem."_

_"Why do u say that?"_

_"I killed them." she said calmly._

_"YOU DID WHAT!?" i said out loud._

_"i had to... they said they were going to kill you and make me their sex slave."_

* * *

Oh my gosh, I don't even care, and that makes me feel terrible.

* * *

_"Well... you did what you had to do and im not upset.. i can bever be upset with my pokes or any pokemon to tell the truth.." i said looking back at my chest. "Oh i have something that might help." I said going into my bag. "Dammit where are they?"_

_"what are you looking for master?" Silver asked._

_"Well im looking for something that can help you with your heat... they are blue pills."_

_"You mean the pills Star took out of your bag?"_

* * *

Oh no. . .

* * *

_I stopped going through my bag and almost wanted to shout.. but i didnt._

_"Well thats unfortunate..." i said._

_"Well master she only did it because she said that you and her mated together.."_

_By this time i wanted to run home and yell at Star._

_"Well can you wait until he get home tomorrow?" i asked_

_"Um... i dont think i can go that long without mating master..."_

_"Well first off you can stop calling me master... u can just call me Ace." i said. "Well this is odd..."_

_"Master i mean Ace." she said._

_"Yes?" i said looking at her face which turned out to be a huge mistake._

_"Look into my eyes Ace. Im sorry but i cant wait another minute without mating." she said._

_"Silver... dont... please." i begged. Silver had just used her confuse ray on me which was not good._

_"Ace you will be my mate for the next few days than will remember nothing about it."_

_"Yes Silver." I droned._

* * *

_(Mewtwo's mouth hung open slightly as he stared blankly at the screen. Suddenly he took out his spoon and viciously hacked at the computer)_

CURSE! THIS! FANFIC!

_(Mewtwo calmed down eventually, then he sat down hard with an angry look in his face.)_

I can't believe it. . .this sick author just turned a Pokemon move into a date rape drug. Does this sicko even care about Pokemon? Okay, maybe I'm overacting. Maybe this is just an evil Pokemon. But still, the idea of using Confuse Ray as a date rape drug is just vulgar and insulting.

. . .I'll be right back, I need to repair my computer.

_(Mewtwo got up and left)_

_**We'll be right back!**_


	11. Comedy Skit 3

_**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!**_

_**The Angry Rated M Clone**_

_**VS!**_

_**Genesect the Angry Bug**_

_**BEGIN!**_

**Genesect:**

_OB-JEC-TION!_ Is what I say,  
You can expect me to beat this failed clone at the end of the day.

A clone versus a weapon of mass destruction? Guess who would win?  
I won't say, as there is no need for an introduction!

I'm Genesect, the Angry Bug! I rage over bad fics and N.  
You just need to wipe that scowl of your ugly mug!

People say I'm a ripoff of you? That's a load of balls.  
In Red and Blue, you're Mew's child, that's all!

I'm original, you're a clone of the original thing!  
In one of the mangas, Blockhead Clefairy makes you stupid, no need to sing!

I'll take you to any games, and I'll still kick your butt!  
Because I'm a Bug type, one of three things you're weak to.

Me? I have one, fire, so to you, boo-hoo!  
I rage over grammer and detail, you can't take incest!

So go back to your cave before I sue you, little Miss Princess!  
And take your spoon with you, you loon!

**Mewtwo:**

You know what has NO PURPOSE!? Little bugs like you!  
You made a Fanfic Critic Show? Well that's nothing new!

You're a purple cockroach, are you a boy or girl?  
Your species is extinct! It's just you up against the world!

You're just Plasma's science project, and that's it!  
You're just an angry moron, I've got all the brains and wit!

And you need more emotion to actually gain fans!  
Who'd follow a story hosted by a purple tin can?

Bug, I'm a legend, I took down your whole army,  
You're an internet troll, while I go spread morality.

Quit sitting around, collecting junk and stuffing your face,  
You can't even Mega Evolve, you big disgrace.

I will erase your mind just like Giovanni,  
You're a mute antagonist in M16!

I'm The Angry Rated M Clone, don't forget it! You lose!  
I control my emotions, you have the world's shortest fuse!

**Genesect:**

I have no purpose?! I kill, review, and now, beat you!  
I can be smarter, but I don't chose to, Mewtwo!

_For example, fermions are subatomic particles with a half-integral spin. _

_Doesn't take a genius to guess who would win!_

_Like PewDiePie, I strike again! _

_To put me down because who I am, you must be dumber than N!_

It's true I don't Mega Evolve, because I'm perfect the way I am!  
Shoot Signal Beam, claw you with shadows, then you'll be damned!

_I'm from the Games, not the Anime, so your rules and ryhmes against me don't work, you see?_  
_You got B, E and A for beat! Guess what? I already took the last letter, so you're late for T!_

**Mewtwo:**

I'll _Strike Back_! Like Teartuga I'll send you back to the past.  
They say you're the greatest hunter? Well I'll kill you in a blast,

like Hunter J, you're going to pay, I'll use my Phsycic to crush you,  
You're as fake as your game on the Nintendo Wii U!

I'll shove my spoon down your gun, now that will be fun  
Then unleash MY Clone Army, you will be overrun

I'd rather play Angry Birds than watch an Angry Bug  
You're something weird in the Anime world! A manically smiling lug!

* * *

_The music abruptly ended after Mewtwo's last line. However, the wall was suddenly sliced in half, and then knocked in by a Focus Blast._

_"GRUUUUUMPS!" Keldeo shouted as he jumped in and landed between Genesect and Mewtwo._

* * *

**Keldeo the Critic:**

Prepare to get slashed by a Sword of Justice,

You're nothing but two spin-off shows, while the original's righteous.

The Colt Pokemon is here, and in Resolute Form,

I've been training with the Swords since before you were born!

You want to know why I'm better than you?

It's cause _you _get your strength from science, while _you're _just a clone of Mew.

I'm a warrior, a superheroe, I defy extinction!

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review Pokemon Fanfiction!

* * *

_Keldeo nodded and smiled, and then causally walked away._

* * *

**_WHO WON?_**

**_YOU DECIDE!_**

_Ep - pic _

_rap-rap-rap-rap-rap-rap-rap battles_

_Rap-rap-rap-rap battles_

**_OF POKEMON!_**

* * *

**_Genesect was played by DragonNiro, author of The Angry Bug Show._**

**_Mewtwo and Keldeo were played by Matthais Unidostres_**

**_This rap battle was set to "The Angry Video Game Nerd vs The Irate Gamer" by ERBParodies on YouTube._**


	12. AxelTheArcanine- Part 2

**_He's The Angry Rated M Clone_**

**The Angry Rated M Clone- AxelTheArcanine's Bestiality Fan Fics**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

Okay. My computer's fixed.

After this. . .

I am going to take a _very long _Hiatus.

Alright, just two more stories to go.

* * *

_**Frost and her new Love**_

_Author: AxelTheArcanine _

_This is Story 3. There is a legendary pokemon causing chaos. Will he fight it or keep it? Thats for me to know and u to find out. Rated M for lemons and Language. HumanxPokemon/human. pokephilia_

* * *

_"HumanxPokemon/human"? _What the heck does that mean? Well, we're about to find out.

So the story begins with Ace talking with Professor Juniper.

* * *

_"Morning Ace." Professor Juniper said through the wireless computer phone._

_"Why hello there Professor Juniper." i said back. "How is everything?"_

_"Everything is fine Ace but i need you to do something." She said._

_"Do what?" i questioned._

_"Well we have been getting some strange reports about a gaint blue bird in a cave in the Gaint Chasm. I need you to check it out for me." She ordered._

_"Okay will do." i said back._

_"Oh Ace by the way, i want you to take any fire-type pokemon with you. with these reports i think it might be the legendary bird Artiuno."_

_"Articuno? You mean to Ice-type legendary bird from the Kanto region right?"_

_"Yes. I want you to be safe and dress warmly. Juniper off."_

_"Well... a legendary pokemon... this well be a first" I said to myself._

* * *

Well, since Ace the Gary Stu is the Champion, I can understand Juniper sending him to check on a Legendary Pokemon. So Ace heads out with Star and Blitz.

* * *

_As i was leaving the house my mom, professor Juniper and some strange guy walked up to me."_

_"Ace glad we caught you before you left." Said my mom._

_"Hi everyone whats sup?" i asked._

_"Well we wanted to give you something if things got tough" professor Juniper said._

_"And what will that be?" i asked._

_The strange man walked towards me with a brown old box._

_"Well son in this box is a most prized item." He said with a deep low voice._

_"What is it?" i asked in confusion._

_The old man opened to box and in it was a purple and white pokemon with a M letter on the front._

_"This is a masterball, the most powerful pokeball of them all. This ball can catch and pokemon without fail, but only use it once when you find it hard to catch Articuno." the old man said handing me the masterball._

* * *

_(Mewtow threw up his hands.)_

Sure! Just make it all easy for him! Just help him out! Take away an possible conflict or plot this story could possibly have. Unless that Master Ball breaks, this story will probably end up being very boring.

* * *

_"Well... i hope none of my pokemon are in heat... i ran out of the pills on my other pokemon" i said to myself._

* * *

Crud.

* * *

_About 3 hours later u finally arrived at the Giant Chasm where Articuno is said to be._

* * *

Yeah, U is close to I on the keyboard. And another thing, isn't Kyurem supposed to be in Giant Chasm? And _another _thing, Articuno isn't supposed to be in the Unova region!

* * *

_"WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE HUMAN?!" a loud female voice boomed though the cave._

_At this point i was ready to shit my pants._

* * *

Look, toilet humor, let's all laugh.

_(Mewtwo's face was humorless and his voice was emotionless)_

* * *

_"Y-you can talk?" i asked._

_"WELL OF COURSE HUMAN. ALL OF THE LEGENDARY POKEMON CAN SPEAK BUT ONLY TELEPATHICALLY." she said._

_"Well... thats good my pokemon can talk also."_

_"YOU MY CHILD HAVE A VERY SPECIAL GIFT THAN. ONLY POKEMON CAN TALK TO THOSE WHO HAVE DEEP CONNECTIONS WITH THEM." she said._

_"WHAT BRING YOU HERE HUMAN?"_

_"Well for one you can stop calling me human. My name is Ace. Secondly im here due to reports of strong snow storms int he Giant Chasm."_

_"Well sorry for the snow but its what he Articuno do to keep ourselves hidden." at this point she stopped shouting._

_"When she isnt shouting she has a pretty sexy voice." i said to myself. "Oh got to get those thoughts out of my head but i cant."_

_I tossed my two pokeballs in the air releasing my Arcanine and Ninetails._

_"Well articuno im sorry to say this but you cant stay here anymore. You are scaring the forest pokemon and the nearby towns with the random snowstorms."_

_"Okay... but only if you beat me in a battle. If you win i will leave but if i win im staying and will claim you as my prize."_

_"Whoa she think she can beat me? the unova champion... but if i win she will leave and she is weak to fire sooo."_

_"Deal!" i said with confidence._

* * *

The Trainer has a Master Ball! He doesn't even have to fight! All he has to do is throw the ball!

Maybe he wants to fight with honor. . .well then what's the point of giving him a Master Ball?

So we get a semi-decent battle, and then he looses.

. . . Really, he looses.

* * *

_Both of my pokemon were frozen solid right in front of me._

_"Thats a powerful ice beam." I said to myself._

_"Are u done now Ace?" she said with a smirk._

_"No..."_

_I took the masterball out of my pocket, pressed the button to make it bigger, than tossed it at articuno._

* * *

So I guess he went, "Screw the rules, I have a Master Ball!"

_(Mewtwo blinked in horror)_

Oh my gosh, I just made a_ Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged _reference! These horrible Fanfics are turning me into a lunatic! I must seek out the Lake Trio after this!

* * *

_"Simple child! You think a masterball can catch me?!" She said shooting another ice beam but hitting the masterball freezing it solid._

_I watched as the masterball turned into a ball of ice and hit the ground. I looked at her than at the ball than back at her. I fell to my knees._

_"I-i give... you win..." i said clenching my fist up._

* * *

Wow. . .well that's better than when that Wishcash just _ate_ that Master Ball in the Anime.

* * *

_A bright light came from where articuno was standing. When i looked up articuno wasn't standing there. instead a human girl was standing there wearing a light-blue dress._

_"Where did articuno go?" i asked_

_"I am articuno silly." The human girl said. "Most legendarys have human forms only to fit in with the other humans around us so we dont get noticed._

_After that i didnt say a word._

_"Simple child! You think a masterball can catch me?!" She said shooting another ice beam but hitting the masterball freezing it solid._

_I watched as the masterball turned into a ball of ice and hit the ground. I looked at her than at the ball than back at her. I fell to my knees._

_"I-i give... you win..." i said clenching my fist up._

* * *

This idea frustrates me! Why do so many people think that Legendaries can turn into humans? I can't!

So, what do you think happens next? I'll give you some choices. Either:

1) Articuno beats Ace up.

2) Articuno turns Ace into a Pokemon.

3) Articuno rapes Ace.

_(Mewtwo frowned and folded his arms)_

Do I even have to tell you what the answer is? I mean, what do you think the pattern has been for these stories?

_(Mewtwo sighed and rubbed his face)_

_Finally!_

The last story.

_FINALLY!_

* * *

_**Blitz and her trainier**_

_Author: AxelTheArcanine _

___Blitz the ninetails and Ace get some alone time training but will a accident from the past ruin their relationship? Rated M for lemons and language. PokemonxHuman_

* * *

So this is a direct sequel apparently.

* * *

_**Here we go with story #4 ;)**_

_A few hours later after catching articuno, and mating, i went back to professor juniper's lab._

_"Hello!? Anyone here!?" i shouted._

_"Ace is that you?" professor juniper shouted from the back of her office._

_"Yes its me and i have articuno with me." i shouted back._

_Professor juniper than ran from the back of her office to the front door where i was standing. Hwe eyes widden when she seen the legendary bird of the Kanto region standing right in front of her._

_"Wow!. Ace how did u manage to catch it?" she asked._

_"Its a her, and it was pretty easy." i answered._

_"Well Ace. Is it okay for me to run some test on her?" she asked._

_"Well its not up to me. Why dont you ask her yourself." i said._

_"Dont be silly Ace pokemon dont talk."_

_"Well juniper it so just happens that i can talk." Frost said in a snooby tone._

_Again professor junipers eyes got wven wider when she heard articuno talk._

_"She can talk?!"_

_"Yes she can and her name is Frost." i said_

_"You named her? So does that mean your gonna keep her?" Juniper asked._

_"Yes i will keep her. She's part of my team now." I said happily._

_"Well im going to take frost to the back yard and do some tests on her, okay Ace?" she asked._

_"Okay. see you two in a few hours." I said waving to them walking home."_

* * *

Are you serious? A Legendary Pokemon wouldn't let humans "run tests" on her! Oh, who cares, that's the least of our problems.

* * *

_ I left my other pokemon home except Blitz and walked to a old unused pokemon battlefield that was a couple hours away from my home. I always use this battlefield because no one ever comes hear after the incident with me and red.( and yes i will write a story with Ace vs Red)_

* * *

Well I won't be reading it!

* * *

_"Blitz its time for some special training!" i said tossing the pokemon up in the air._

_"Nine!"_

_"I Blitz are you ready for some training?" i asked me ninetails._

_"Why of course Ace... but i thought you didnt want me to get into any battle after what happened last time?" she said._

_"It wouldn't hurt to try and control what happened last time. I would really like to use that move in battle" i said._

_"Well ok Ace only if you really want to." Blitz said getting into her fighting stance._

_"Okay Blitz use psychic on that giant boulder!" i ordered._

_She than raised all of her tails into the air as a purple aura surrounded her and the boulder. She than let out all grunts as she tried to lift the boulder into the air but the thing i feared the worst happened._

_"BLITZ STOP!" i yelled but it was too late. Her psychic move backfired and her purple aura around her caused a shock wave sending me flying and hitting a boulder behind me knocking me unconscious._

_"Ace! Oh my Arceus. Ace please wake up. I knew this would happen again._

* * *

So we get a flashback showing that this happened before.

* * *

_**FlashBack**_

_**(this flash back will be told from Blitz POV.** Italic italic Blitz._

It was 5 years ago after he had saved Stars life from his swamperts hydro pump. He found me as a vulpix about to be attacked by a group of wild shinx.

* * *

So Ace saves her and names her, and Blitz takes a liking to him.

* * *

I loved the name Blitz and i did all i could to keep my name and a part of Ace's team. Battle after battle, win after win i grew, no... we grew stronger together. By the time we got to Marshal of the Elite four i was a Evolved ninetails. Sadly we lost to Marshal countless time which made Ace sad and he wanted to give up. So one day i went to train by myself while everyone was sleep. I know to beat fighting-type pokemon you need flying or psychic-type pokemon but he didnt have neither. Than i remember a friend of his saying how is ninetails knew Psychic, the strongest psychic-type move around. So every night while he was sleep i practiced and practiced to master psychic, but one night he when i thought he was sleep he followed me to where i have been training.

_"Blitz... is this where you have been going every night?"_

I was to ashamed to look at him.

_"Blitz i know you have been training by yourself and im not mad at all. I think it's a good thing. I have already seen what move you have been trying to master also. Its psychic."_

When he said that i was scared and afraid he might not want me to use that move.

_"Well im here now so lets train okay?"_

* * *

So Blitz tries using Psychic, and for some reason she explodes and hurts Ace.

* * *

_"Blitz whats going on? Why are you tails and eyes purple? Answer me! BLITZ"_

The mist was expelled from my body casing a shock wave sending Ace flying into a huge tree.

_"Blitz what happened to..you *cough cough*."_

He fell unconscious. I was so scared i thought i had killed the only person i loved. He's been their with me through good and bad times. So i sat by him until he woke up a few hours later. When he finally woke up she looked at me and sat up quickly walking away from me.

_"You stay away... Blitz stay there dont come near me..."_

He ran back to the camp site. At this point i was really sad. the only person i loved me and i loved was afraid of me. I sat in the same spot for 3 hours until Star found me. We talked in our pokelanguage about what happened. She felt bad and wanted Ace to see that it was a accident. So we went back to the camp site. When he seen me he had the look of fear and anger in his eyes.

_"What the (CENSORED) __did i say blitz!? Get away from me now!"_

* * *

What the heck! She didn't attack you on purposed! Luckily, Star apparently. . ._barks _some sense into him. . .

* * *

Star growled and barked at him. Than she finally attacked him knocking him flat on his back.

_"Star get the (CENSORED) __off of me i mean it!"_

* * *

For goodness sake! Lay off your Pokemon!

* * *

She growled and barked at him again this time showing her fangs. At this point he calmed down and she walked back towards me nudging me closer to him before leaving back into the forest with the rest of his pokemon. He Stared at me for 10 minutes before finally talking.

_"Blitz... im sorry i scream at you. Its just that... i thought i was going to die when that incident happened. i didnt know what to believe._"

I started to feel tears coming out of my eyes... i thought he was going to tell me to go away and never come anywhere near him. I thought i was going to lose the person i see more as a mate than a trainer.

_"Look Blitz im not mad okay? Im just a little shook up thats all. Look i know you feel bad thats all but lets make a promise. Let's never try to use that move again okay?"_

* * *

Then Blitz does something gross and we go back to the present.

* * *

**End Flashback**

_"Blitz are you crying?" i asked._

_"Ace oh my Arcues your alive! i thought i had lost you..."_

_I locked my lips with hers making her stop talking._

* * *

Disgusting. . .

* * *

_"No you didn't kill me. I thought this time we had it this time. But we will keep trying no matter what happens okay?" i said as out lips parted._

_"Ace... you kissed me?" she said confused._

_"Yeah so? i know u have a crush on me. No one need to tell me."_

_"Lair i know star told you."_

_I was rubbing the back of my neck when she said the truth._

_"Well so what it doesnt matter now." i said_

_"No it doesnt but i want to continue... Ace im in heat and i always wanted to mate with you even when i wasnt in heat. i loved you the day we first met..."_

_At this point she was blushing hard._

_I rubbed her left cheek and brung her head closer to my mine._

_"I love you too Blitz." i whispered._

* * *

Then we have abomination number 4, and here's the ending:

* * *

_" i wonder what our pups will look like" she said giggling._

_"P-pups..." i said._

_"Aww great now i have to deal with Frost and Blitz being pregnant" i said to myself before fainting._

* * *

Okay, human DNA and Pokemon DNA are not compatible, so you cannot get those Pokemon pregnant. Now, with that out of the way, let's move on to the problems.

One: It's bestiality.

Two: Ace is polygamous! Our protagonist, our main character, our HERO, is polygamous! He has knowingly mated with three females! What a load of poison Toxic spit from a sickly Wheezing mixed with the Sludge from a dying Garbodor.

Three: These stories actually have good set ups for interesting plots. Like, a Pokemon injures its Trainer and feels guilty, and the Trainer is afraid and angry, but then they make up over time. Maybe they get into danger, and they save each other, and they go through stages of trust and forgiveness, that has good possibilities. But instead of developing that, we just get a load of smut! Who wants to read about sex? What's the point? Why is that interesting! What a load of pointless garbage that doesn't even have any effort but into it!

And four: IT'S _BESTIALITY_! WHY DO PEOPLE READ THIS CRAP?!

Well, that's it. These stories have so many possibilities and opportunities, but this mentally warped author uses none of them! It would be one thing if the author expanded a long and engaging plot, and then destroyed it with bestiality at the end, but noooooo. This jerk writes _nothing, _and just shoves some pornography into your face. I'm sorry, but the people who like filth like this must have something mentally. . .different about them that makes them enjoy this. Because I don't see anything good about it, and hopefully you don't either!

Well, I'm done. Goodnight. Goodbye. I need a break. . .and maybe a psychiatrist. . .

* * *

**THE END**

Performed by Mewtwo

**_Credits_**

_Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged _by LittleKuriboh/CardGameFTW

**Special Thanks**

Digi Brony After Dark for inspiration to do a Mature version of review

BenTheLooney

* * *

_**Why does bestiality exist? I'm pretty sure humans are more attractive than animals.**_

_**(This was a parody of The Angry Video Game Nerd on Cinemassacre and The Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	13. Pokemon Red White and Blue

_**WARNING: The game being reviewed contains images of blood and representations of mutilated animals, the morbidly obese, psychopaths, and sociopaths. The images are disgusting and disturbing and can cause nightmares.**_

* * *

Mewtwo lay curled up on a mattress in his home at Mount Quena. As the sun rose over the land, Mewtwo smiled to himself as he opened his eyes and sat up. Still with a smile, Mewtwo walked towards the lake and splashed some water on his face. He shook his fur dry, and floated over to the berry bushes. He grabbed a few berries as he smiled at Pikatwo and Meowthtwo, who cheerfully waved back at him.

After enjoying the berries, Mewtwo made his way over to his underground laboratory. Still smiling, Mewtwo powered up his computer. An email alert flashed on the screen, and he checked it.

* * *

_Dear Mewtwo,_

_I heard you didn't have anything to review for Halloween, so here's something to review for a special._

**Link**

* * *

Mewtwo nodded, glad for the help, and clicked on the link.

* * *

_**30 minutes later. . .**_

* * *

Darkrai, Mew, Meloetta, Genesect, Keldeo, Pikatwo, and Meowthtwo all stood around Mewtwo, who was now frozen in a huge block of ice.

"My gosh, what a battle. . ." Keldeo said breathlessly. He was dirty and bruised up, as were everyone else, with the exception of Genesect, Mew, and Meloetta who had managed to escape the brunt of the violence.

"Good thing you contacted us before he destroyed the world," Darkrai said calmly to Meowthtwo and Pikatwo.

"So, what do we do now?" Meowthtwo asked.

"We wait for him to thaw out," Mew said, "I know him. He's using this time to think things over. A few hours on ice should help him express his rage in a less violent manner."

"I just wonder what could have set him off?" Meloetta asked.

The ice suddenly cracked and the ice surrounded Mewtwo's head and shoulders shattered from his Psychic power.

"Now, calm down, Mewtwo!" Keldeo said nervously as everyone else got battle ready.

"I _am _calm," Mewtwo said calmly, "I did some thinking, and even though that game was a foul abomination, I shouldn't allow it to control me. I'm better than that. I've learned much from what you taught me after those dirty Meloetta stories, and I will use it to keep calm as I review this game." Mewtwo used his powers to shatter the rest of the ice. He brushed the icy dust off of himself and said, "So, if you don't mind. . ."

Meloetta gently tugged Keldeo's hair. "Let's go. He'll be alright," she said with a smile.

Keldeo stared at Mewtwo for a moment, then he nodded, "Okay, sure. Everybody out. Reviewer at work!"

After everyone left the room, Mewtwo looked around at the smashed walls and debris around him. Then he looked towards his computer, which was actually left untouched during the rampage. Mewtwo sighed.

"This is gonna suck."

* * *

_**He's gonna play a Pokemon game**_

**_That almost caused him to go insane._**

**_He'd rather have. . ._**

**_A Bouffallant. . ._**

**_Take a diarrhea dump in his ear._**

**_He'd rather lick. . ._**

**_The black and white tail. . ._**

**_Of an old Skunktank that's drunk off of beer._**

**_He's the angriest gamer ever known_**

**_He's the angry bloody game Clone_**

**_He's the angry disturbing image Clone_**

**_He's The Angry Internet Game Clone_**

**The Angry Rated M Clone- Pokemon Red White and Blue by PETA**

**(Mewtwo's point of view, of course)**

_(Mewtwo has a sour face on his face.)_

Well. . . you did it, PETA. You made another Pokemon parody, good for you.

. . .

I guess that means I gotta review it, don't I? I gotta review a game that FREAKIN TICKS ME OFF!

Because that's what you want to see, PETA! You just want to see all the Pokemon Fans be angry! DANCE MONKEY! DANCE!

And you readers who come here! You want a Halloween Special, don't you? Well, there's nothing scarier than a PETA Pokemon Parody! You want me to review it! To get angry! To get crazy! DANCE KITTY! DANCE!

_(Mewtwo sighed and slumped back in his chair.)_

Well, let's not beat around the bush. Let's just jump right into the psychotic sequel to Pokemon Black and Blue, _Pokemon Red White and Blue._

So, first we get the title screen. Not only does the bloody Pikachu return, we also get to see a demonic Ronald Mc Donald. Yeah, now PETA's attacking Mc Donalds because they serve meat. Uh, how is defacing a company mascot going to make people stop eating meat? All I get by looking at this is anger that you're slandering the beloved mascot of a company that I'm pretty sure created the Ronald _McDonald_ House _Charities_.

So the game starts, and we get a little written backstory like in the first parody. Apparently Pokemon have some how entered into the real world and are upset that animals are being mistreated. But! Wait there's more! Take a look at this!

* * *

_Would they feel like it's completely ridiculous that Nintendo releases two version of essentially the same game and then has the audacity to release a slightly different version a couple of years later?_

* * *

Oh my gosh, you have to be kidding me! First of all, PETA has now openly admitted that all they really want to do is attack Nintendo. Second of all, the reasons there are two versions of the game is so people can trade Pokemon. Third of all, what do you mean _slightly different_? Are you saying the story of Diamond and Pearl is pretty much the same as Black and White? Well they're not! They're called sequels! It's a game series! Of course they're going to release new games every few years! That's how video games work, you morons!

Well, then it asks what would humans would do to them if Pokemon were in the real world. Since PETA's incompetent, they say we'd eat them at Mc Donalds.

NO! Scientists would study them, people would train them, and a few evil individuals would try to use their power to commit crimes and to take what they want. Hmm, that almost sounds like. . ._exactly in the games, manga and Anime! _

No one would eat something that's either really cute or really powerful or really loyal or really interesting. Americans don't eat dogs and cats! So we wouldn't eat Pokemon!

_(Mewtwo looks shocked)_

Oh my goodness, the game hasn't even started yet and I'm ranting on and on about this! Well, maybe it's because I know what to expect. So lets get on with it.

So we start off with the Hamburgular attacking a Miltank. Oh! I get it! a Miltank's a cow, and people eat beef! Ha-ha-ha- _screw you PETA._

So Pikachu jumps in- _Did he just say "Prepare for trouble"?! _It's like PETA doesn't even care anymore! They'd gladly admit to being evil villains who just want to attack Nintendo. I don't know why! They either think video games are evil or are just all racist against the Japaneese.

So, we use Pikachu to beat up the Hamburgular, and Pikachu talks about how he's changing how people eat Pokemon in Unova- NO THEY DON'T! No one in the Pokemon world eats Pokemon!

So the Hamburgular spits random nonsense about how people are taught that they are the masters of the planet and superior and stuff. Look, if you lived in Nazi Germany this would be true, but anywhere else this is just random nonsense PETA is just making up out of thin air!

So, Miltank joins Pikachu and they find a treasure chest with a video of animals being killed, yeah, yeah.

So they go through a portal and into the human world, why this portal exists is never explained, and they go to defeat the EVIL Mc Donalds corporation.

As usually, there's blood all over the fences in the human world, and the Mc Donalds they go to. . .has a bloody M for a sign?

_(Mewtwo just shakes his head)_

The Mc Donalds sign doesn't look like that! Why does PETA feel the need to lie?

Well, you might notice I'm a bit more calm than last time, but that's because PETA isn't slandering any Pokemon characters. It's still wrong what they're doing, cause most of what they say are lies, but at least they're not turning Ash into a combination of Paul and a serial killer circus ring master. . .thing. . .

So the Pokemon talk to, _yeah, they still talk_, to an extremely obese Mc Donald's customer.

Yeah, cause everyone who eats are Mc Donalds' is overweight and unhealthy. It's not like they have, oh, I don't know, _coffee or salads or hot chocolate or apple slices or water or oatmeal or pancakes or egg white sandwiches!_

So Pikachu is upset that his likeness is being used to sell hamburgers and other merchandise.

* * *

_Pikachu: I do not approve of them using my likeness! This is a total violation of my publicity rights. Get me a lawyer._

* * *

Oh my gosh, this is even worse than when Zorua wanted to sue Keldeo for insulting his review style!

Does PETA really think Pikachu would care about this stuff! They got a tone of Pokedolls and Scalchop merchandize in the Pokemon world, and no one complains about that!

So the customer sees them and wants to fatten the Pokemon up and eat them.

. . .

IT'S A PIKACHU! IT'S A CUTE MOUSE WITH ELECTIRC POWERS! IT'S WORLD FAMOUS!

This is why PETA suck! They lie, exaggerate, take things out of context, overreact, twist things around, and don't use common sense! If a person saw a real live Pokemon walking around, they'd pick it up, cuddle it, and try to blow up rocks or trash cans with it. THEY WOULDN'T TRY TO EAT IT!

So, after we beat up this fat guy, he moans that we ruined his childhood. He tired to _eat_ his childhood! Oh my gosh, PETA's stupidity is second to none!

But you know something interesting? After being defeated, the guy says that Pokemon games are supposed to be fun, and that they shouldn't make things so serious. Well. . .yeah! Sure, the guy should eat healthier and loose weight, but he's right! Pokemon games are fun! Sure, if you really did go around abusing and eating Pokemon in the games, then we'd have a problem. But the games are all about stopping evil and being friends and caring for Pokemon, so Pokemon should just be a fun game.

So, even though Pikachu and Miltank were the only ones to come through the portal, it turns out the guy somehow had a Jigglypuff, and it joins the team.

So then we meet a bunch of PETA protestors outside of McDonalds'. Yeah, they're all clean and happy and smiling. Sure, this game was made objectively! There's no bias here! So the protestors give us another scary looking screen background, just like in the first game. You know, I've finally figured out uses for those atrocious images. Halloween backgrounds. Put them up just for Halloween. They're horrid enough. Then they point our Pokemon team towards the slaughterhouse.

So we get to the slaughter house, and we meet two works that look like Jessie and James in bloody doctor outfits.

So we battle, and you want to know something? When you battle with Jigglypuff, she has an attack. You know what it is?

Lettuce Lady.

You attack with lettuce.

And it hurts them!

Actually, I think Lettuce Lady is a reference to a pornographic video PETA made where a naked woman had lettuce covering her breasts. Yeah, PETA supports pornography. Just putting that out there.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that when Jigglypuff uses Rest, she doesn't fall asleep! No, she just heals herself! This game is so broken!

So we beat the Team Rocket rejects, and Grimace joins our party. Then we- WAIT A MINUTE!? GRIMACE? That's not a Pokemon! That's an old McDonald's mascot! Can't these idiots even decide what they're trying to satirize!?

* * *

_Grimace: I'm a rare Grimace Pokemon. I was a mutation created by McDonald's decades ago to convince children to eat their food made of tortured animals._

* * *

_(Mewtwo did a double face palm)_

Oh my gosh. I can't believe this. Where did they come up with this stuff? Were they all doing crack!?

* * *

_Peewee Herman: "Doing crack isn't just wrong. . .it could be dead wrong."_

* * *

So we walk along, and we find the weird looking Ash from the first PETA game. He's changed his ways, and had followed the Pokmeon through the portal and has joined PETA. Of course. And he still is wearing a crazy top hat instead of his baseball cap! Oh my gosh, how do you mess up the character design that badly!

So Ash gives us some bloody cards, and we finally reach the final boss. Demonic Ronald McDonald. The beloved clown who's mission in life was to help little kids put a smile on is now a combination of _IT _and The Joker. I hate you all so much, PETA.

So, yeah, I'd better mention, if you loose a battle, it says you go back to a Pokemon Center to heal. One problem with that. YOU'RE IN THE REAL WORLD! There are no Pokemon Centers! What, does Ash or PETA run up and take you back into the portal?

So, after you beat the clone, his mask falls off and we see the CEO of McDonald's. He says he misses Team Rocket.

So the Pokemon decide to put the video they found on the internet to make everyone go vegan. Then it ends with a congratulations, and PETA even says they're going to do a re-release of this game without changing anything to mock the way Pokemon games have two versions. Well, if it's exactly the same, then I guess I won't have to review it! Thank gosh!

_(Mewtwo grabbed his spoon, charged up power, but then stopped short of firing it. Instead he dissipated the power and simply x-ed out the window)_

Not worth it.

_(Mewtwo sighed and shook his head slowly)_

Well, at least PETA finnaly admitted that they hate Nintendo. This is the fourth time they've attacked Nintendo. First they went after Cooking Mama because she cooks meat. Then they went after Mario because he wears a fur Tanooki Suit. And now they went after Pokemon two times. And here's something else. The called the game Red White and Blue, like the American flag. Are they trying to say that America is bad cause American culture includes hunting, having pets, playing video games, and eating meat? Oh my gosh, PETA hates America! That's got to be it! They're against the idea of freedom! They say we are not free to eat whatever we want or play whatever we want or buy whatever we want. PETA is Communist! If PETA had their way, they'd make America a Communist or Socialist country where everyone obeys them!

Well, you know what PETA? You can kiss my Big Mac, lick my Bacon Cheese Burger, and swim your way to Cuba or North Korea or someplace! Because the United States of America doesn't nee you spreading lies and propaganda all over the place! Screw you!

The game still looks horrible. The Pokemon are still all bloody and torn up, the humans all look like zombies, and it's filled with propaganda for your precious lying cult! We all know about those animals you've been killing, so quit hiding!

So support the ASPCA! NOT PETA! If Pokemon did ever come to the human world, they'd attack _you _for spreading so many lies about all the loving Pokemon Trainer and happy Pokemon who love to fight so much. _There are Fighting-types who are born with boxing gloves for hands!_

_(Mewtwo got up angrily and folded his arms)_

Well, this stinks. That wasn't that scary at all! What a failure of a Halloween Special. If you really want something scary, check out Keldeo the Critic's Halloween special. Sure, _I _wasn't scared. . .but I think you all will find something more. . .Halloween like. . .

Well, let's hope this is the end of PETA Pokemon Parodies, cause if it isn't. . .

. . .You know what to do _Anonymous. . . _

* * *

**THE END**

Performed by Mewtwo

**_Credits_**

_IT_

_The Dark Knight Rises_

_Game Theory- Pokemon and PETA_

_Nostalgia Critic- Blues Brothers Video Game_

_Angry Video Game Nerd- Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure_

_ASPCA- _American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

_Pokemon Red White and Blue - Stupid PETA Parody _by pokeaimMD

**Special Thanks**

Digi Brony After Dark for inspiration to do a Mature version of review

Ronald McDonald House _Charities_

Game Theory

_**This game is disgusting. It might actually mentally scar you/give you nightmares. PETA is sick and hypocritical. Don't support PETA! Support the ASPCA, a real company that prevents animal cruelty. **_

_**(This was a parody of The Angry Video Game Nerd on Cinemassacre and The Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


End file.
